Suicide Symphony
by Forbidden Soul
Summary: After a big mistake, Inuyasha and Kagome drift away from eachother, and the relationship that they've had since childhood dissipates. Kagome is thrown into the murky depts of reality. INUKAG
1. What Will Never Be

**Suicide Symphony**

by

**DES**

**_disclaimer:_** I do not own Inuyasha, though you probably already knew that...

**1**

**What Never Will Be**

_Why?_

it was the only thing that went through my mind coherently as I stared, I stared till my mind throbbed and my head snapped in and out of old continuous flashbacks that staked fright to any sense of right. Everything in me was driving way over the speed limit and I was beginning to think that any sense of direction would be lost without a thought. Question after question crammed my mind monotonously.

And as everything, toned or shriveled, rapped on me, spreading as though watching a movie, moving till it became a blur, it smoothed and faded into... into...

Gold.

the color of the midnight autumn leaves, slipping to the dank ground. Gold as the sunset at the end of a warm lazy summer twilight. Gold as the sun... yes the sun, that's what shown in his eyes, it was the sun that incased his hue.

That was the only thing that went through my mind, when I felt like I'd done to many carnival rides and was about to puke my guts. I felt so dizzy, and the only thing that went through my mind without being blotted out by screaming was...

His eyes, his beautiful golden eyes.

They haunted my nightmares for so long, thoughs deep lonely pools.

_Why?_

His stare was hard, yet gentle, as if he was trying with all his mind to stay calm, he meant no harm.

He turned away, like my thoughtful glance somehow burned his heart. He shifted to gaze out the window, but I could still not pry my eyes of his face.

He knew he hurt me, I could tell, maybe by the anguish on his face, or the way he pulled away from me. He knew it was the end, as did I, but I still wouldn't will myself on it, I wouldn't allow its cold grasp to crumble me.

_Cold._

that when I finally started to feel the evening chill come over me, and began to pull and yank the unforgiving sheets closer to me, as if they could bring me refuge. I felt pitiful, sitting there with only blankets to cover my exposed skin. We were drifting so far apart, and before I knew it he was all the way across the room, spiritually and physically. It had been happening for a while, are friendship was reaching its end of the road, and I was in need of a detour. And all the sudden this happened, all this crap suddenly appeared from murky depths, and it caught us both in a way.

We both knew it was a mistake, but we were to stupid to stop, and that's how it happened. It could have been so easy to miss, and yet it couldn't. I should of kept my mouth closed, and my legs shut. It was all my fault, all my damn fucked up fault. And now I was hurting him, and killing myself. I don't know how life got so fucked up.

Right now is the farthest I ever felt from, I could feel him putting up his barriers and masking his tortured eyes.

At that moment I felt the most alone in my life.

Reality sucked. As did everything else.

I shouldn't have gotten drunk, I only dragged him down with me. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten stoned either. I always had the worst sense of direction and did the wrong things.

But worst of all I shouldn't have asked for him to come with me. I felt I was losing him, and I wanted to do things like we used to; go out and have a fun time. We did, for a while that is. I did kind of like ending on a good note, if it happened, I didn't want everything we built so hard to make to fall to nothing. I wanted something good to remember.

But I did not have sex in mind.

No way in hell did I. We were only friends that the way it always was, ever since the first day I met him.

I was being naive, maybe my small brain was only seeing the things that I wanted to. I knew I had something for him, but I didn't know what. Lust, that what it was, I lusted over him. His body was eye candy for all female human eyes. He was always drop dead sexy.

But surprisingly, he only dated a few women. Most of them were afraid of him. They thought him evil and bloodthirsty, because of his youkai heritage, he was, after all, half demon. But he was quiet gentle, though he did have his anger problems.

He was always a outcast. But that never shadowed my mind a bit. I still dragged him to parties and clubs, if people didn't like it they never said anything, and we always still had a fucking rad time.

That was before this had happened. It was when he started dating her. That what fueled are drifting, I couldn't handle it, I always felt there was something behind it. I knew it was wrong, I should have been smarter, but thoughs joints plus the fact that I was totally wasted didn't help much. I shouldn't have taken the pill they handed me when I stepped through the front door, seconds after swallowing it, feeling the reaction of ecstasy coursing through my veins. When I had turned around Inuyasha had thrown the white tablet into his mouth as well, grabbing a beer and gulping it down.

He was pretty out of it to, by the time we made it to the unknown bedroom we were all over each other. but when we hit the soiled bed he pulled away and asked me if we should do this. I just pulled his face down to meet mine in a harsh rushed kiss, and I guess it was enough of a answer for him.

he... he was my first.

My heart skipped a beat as I was pulled back to reality by the sound of him throwing on his crumpled clothes. It was then I heard the music blaring from downstairs, the vibration of the beat was quaking under my feet that had fallen to the floor. I slowly stood, the sheet still pulled tightly to my chest, as I tried to balance on my unsteady legs. I still felt nausea lurking in my uneasy stomach. Closing my eyes, I tried to take a couple of long drawn breathes until I felt I could move my feet under me.

He was pulling his shirt off a closet drawer when I finally spotted, standing stupidly in the middle of the hollow room. I panned there and tried to get my bearings before I could say a word.

"Inu...yasha..."

That was all I could conjure, after everything it was the only thing that could be said between us.

He stopped, immediately. I could feel him tense up, and his back was rigid. I didn't touch him, I was afraid, he... he just didn't like being touched. Especially when he was uncomfortable, it had allot to do with his past. He really hated it when people went for his ears. That was one of his most sensitive parts, and people would usually take advantage of that.

But he didn't care when he got his ear rub from me. I guess that's what his mother did when he was a child.

... She died along time ago, but Inuyasha never liked to talk about it, he kept those things to himself.

I hesitantly took a step closer, trying with my last bit of dignity to not let the unshed tears fall from my eyes. He hated it when women cried.

It was then I saw the scars that maimed the smooth skin of his back. I had never seen them before. They looked like knarled spider webs, cutting deep into his pale toned skin. Crawling down his shoulder blades and writhing down to the small of his back, and then disappearing at the waistband of his jeans.

I gritted my teeth. It looked like they had hurt.

I felt utterly horrible.

Bile climbed up my dry thought as I reached out my mind towards him, my conscious entranced with the sad stories his physical scars were showing me.

I took a clumsy step forward. Tears were now clinging to my eyelashes as tried to blink them back.

It hurt... It hurt to see such misery sliced into to remember. I could tell they were old, very old, back from when he was young.

I blindly shuffled another step, my hand reaching numbly trying to grasp out, while the other clutched the sheet even closer to my body, crinkling under the tight grip I placed on it till my knuckles were white.

he was still frozen, almost as stiff as a board. I took another step tripping on fabric I was clinging to. He was so far away, no matter how hard tried, I couldn't reach him. And yet I kept struggling, my left hand in plea trying to find its way.

_Inuyasha..._

The next step I took I plummeted to the floor, still clinging to the sheet. I sat there, with my legs folded beneath me, and I was still reaching, my hand opening and closing for something that wasn't there.

"Inuyasha..."

My voice was shaky as tears were now pouring down my face and I failed blindly to blink them back. My vision blurred as droplets cascaded down my cheeks along my jaw, to splatter on my covered thighs, darkening the sea breeze fabric. I tried hard to hold a sob in my throat.

He slowly turned around showing that he was not oblivious to my pain. But the stare in his eyes was so hurt, that I was assaulted by body wracking sobs. My hand fell to the ground as it sat limply till I pulled it to my chest. I tried to wipe away the tears with the heal of my palm, but I just couldn't stop crying...

I was crying for what I lost.

The beat of the music was pulsing in against my legs, and my hands fell to the floor, palms facing down as I tried to hold myself up so I wouldn't crumble to a ball.

I heard his footsteps as he walked toward me, completely untuned to the music bellow us. He stood there for a minute before falling down in front of me, his face smothered in his hands.

I only cried harder and let my head fall limply to stare at my legs. I pushed my hands even harder into the cold wood floor and scrunched up my fingers into fists. I heard a rough ling but I didn't dare look up, I just cringed my eyes tighter and tried to take a deep breathe.

"KagomeKags, " He said in a gruff voice, " Stop crying."

When I heard him use my name he used to call me when we were little, I started crying even harder. It was a hard blow, reminding me of everything I lost. Everything that from the first time I saw him I thought I'd have forever.

damn did it hurt, it hurt like hell.

I heard another rustling and his hand came to rest slightly on my covered leg. I could feel the warmth from it, radiating off his calloused palm, it made me tighten my fists even more.

"Kagome, please."

It stung but I tried to hold fresh tears back. I took a long breath and closed my eyes again. When I quieted my sobs successfully, I only slightly opened my orbs to stare at the floor off to the side. I felt confused, utterly confused, my misery was indescribable. I thought I would live in this agony forever. I bowed my head even farther down.

"Why?"

My soft question fell like velvet leaves between us, I could feel him ponder, and I myself had to of it to, there really was no answer.

"I don't know..."

He said it softly, as though he was equally confused. I lifted my head to look at him. His brows were knit together in thought, a frown upon those lips. He looked as though he were contemplating something deeply. He was the first to brake the silence.

"youyou know this can't happen, I'mI'm with... her..."

he stumbled on his words as he spoke, like he didn't know what to say, but I knew exactly what he meant. He was dating her. They'd been going out for about a month, and that's exactly why we drifted so far apart. His face turned to stare at me, his eyes meeting mine. I immediately got lost in The Gold again. It was like ecstasy.

I ripped my eyes away from him to stare self-consciously at my left hand, my hair falling to hide my face from him.

" I'mI'm sorry... I didn't...

my words fell without finishing the sentence, but my point was made. The sheet around me had somehow stayed up through my turmoil, but was now slowly slipping. My right hand jumped up to grab, fisting it tightly to my breast. My chest started to hurt with each intake of breath, I couldn't handle the small bedroom anymore, the booming house for that fact.

I pulled away from his hand, moving back a little bit before trying to stand up. But I felt a calloused hand clasp onto one of my own. I looked up to his face as he stared back at me. It felt like time stopped, everything around us was frozen but us, even the blaring music what deceased in my head. He tugged at my hand lightly bringing me back from my daze.

"We will still be friends..."

He said sadly.

" Right?"

His last word was shaky, like he wasn't sure enough to say it. Like he was trying to grasp onto something, he as well as I. My world shattered. and everything began to move again, the music making my head ache. II knew it wouldn't happen, nothing like that would be able to sustain. I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded my head numbly, I lied so he would be happy.

He also got up, making his way to the closet drawer were his shirt was. He pulled it over his head, facing away from me. Again I saw the scars. But this time it burned so much I had to look away. I diverted my gaze to a plain white wall. It was like free thinking space, which I did not need. I didn't want to think, I wanted to forget. A lone tear made it way down my face, but I swiped it away before it did more damage. I could feel the walls closing in on my, suffocating me, and I didn't like it, I didn't like it all. My head started spinning, and the room started to blur. My heart was breaking. I knew it would end, this is how it had to be.

I glanced over to Inuyasha, he had successfully slid his jacket over his shoulders, and was just standing there. He diverted his gaze from the floor to me. he shoved his hands deep into his jean pockets and looked away. I turned away from him, it was the only thing I could do, and I did. It was like a closing, the doors finally slamming shut. And I just stood there by back facing him.

I heard let out a long breath through his nose. Than, in an instant, he shuffled across the floor to the door behind me, standing there for a moment, before creaking it open. The music became louder as it swung open, and I heard giggles and moans from down the hall. Then everything became muffled as the door shut closed, and I was left alone.

All alone.

After a few minutes I finally go my wits together enough to look around the room for my clothes. after my search I came up with everything except my panties, which frankly I didn't want to know were they were. When I finally kicked on my shoes, I walked to the door. In my trudge something caught my eye. On the bed in the corner next to the wall was something glimmering. I stumbled up to it blindly, and picked it up carefully in my fingers. It was his charm, the special Shikon no Tama he had always had with him since I'd known him. I pulled it to my chest as if a reminder of something I would never have again.

Tears came cascading down my face as I ran to the door and thrust it open. I still clutched it in my hand. I ran down the hall, skidded down the stairs, and began to push through the large crowd that had prospered around me. I wiped violently at my face trying to make my tears stop. The smell of sweat was unbearable.

Then I saw Sango, grinding with her boyfriend Miroku, their lips sucked into a heated lock. She pulled away for a moment and whispered something in his ear, he pulled her closer with his hands on her butt. She giggled, and her head slowly turned to my direction.

Her eyes found mine almost instantly in the throng of people. She was about to wave and yell something over the music, but stopped when she say the look on my face. She disentangled herself from him which left him doing a very sad puppy face and trying to pull her back. She shook him off and started in my direction a concerned look plaguing her features. I continued on my way to the door, trying to shove people out of my way. I felt hand on my wrist and looked up to see Sango staring at me.

"Are you alright?"

she yelled it over the music, but I could still hear her if she didn't. I looked away towards the door. I needed to be alone, I needed to leave. I turned back her.

"Just... leave me alone right now... please?"

She looked at me with worry and her brows knitted in confusion. She was about to say something else when masculine arms wrapped around her waist. She dropped my arm accidentally as Miroku's head moved to rest on her shoulder. He looked from me to her and then lifted his head to see the seriousness in the situation.

"Kagome, are you?"

He didn't end the sentence before I started stumbling backward. It seemed like slow motion as Sango reached out for me but I turned and began to scramble for the door. When I finally made it to outside, I was panting like hell and felt the tears roll down my face again. I didn't want to be seen again, so I ran. I ran till my breath was severely ragged and my lungs seared with pain and yet I still ran.

My feet began fatigue, making me trip on sidewalk and fall on the cold unforgiving ground. My arms kept me from landing flat only my face. There, crouched on the ground I cried, sobs killing my tortured body. I clutched the Shikon jewel against my breast as my forehead lowered to touch the pavement, it was cool yet rough against my throbbing head.

He had dated her, for reason I never new, he started dating my sister over a month ago. the thing that hurt the most was that... after everything I poured out to him about being her shadow and how I was always loathed the way people pampered her, he turned his back on me and jumped her. I didn't hate her, she was always so sweet and understanding to me, and sometimes fought battles for me when I couldn't, but I was always jealous of her. She was always the over achiever, when I couldn't even reach average. She was special, she was everything, she would save the world. And what about Kagome, oh she would flunk out of high school, become a hooker, and die alone. Yes that was my future.

Damn him.

My life was falling apart, and in this all I lost the closest thing I had. I lost him to Kikyo, after years of knowing him and being right near him, I lost my dearest friendInuyasha, and I was never getting him back.

_Why?_

**_Okay if you want me to do more all you have to do is review, if I don't get any then I'll probably end up dropping it. I easily lose my interest in this if nothing fuels my muse. _**

_**I'm sorry if I don't update to soon, its hard to get my hands on a computer.**_


	2. In This Lone Cold Room

**Suicide Symphony**

by

**_DES_**

**_disclaimer:_** I don't own Inuyasha, but you probably already knew that...

**2**

**In This Lone Cold Room**

I don't remember my journey home. All I sanctioned was the crisp air and my wrapped breathing that kept beat with my footfalls. My conscious was blank, as though it was trying to suppress memories in such a state of stress. I didn't mind.

But I do remember small flashes of memory, like when the cold feeling of death and anguish swam all around me. Each turn I took, every block I ran, everything seemed lifeless around me, as if it were mourning my pain...

When I felt I almost came to my end, I made it to my hill of front steps and collapsed. My throat stung in agony as my lungs were winded in search of breathe. I tried so hard not to care, I tried so hard to forget, laying there helplessly. I pulled my legs up and rest my head on my knees, my hair falling, gently whisping around my shins. pulling my arms around me, I began to regain my regular breathing, though my lungs still stung with each intake.

_Inuyasha..._

My body started shaking profusely, I tried to calm myself, closing my eyes and squeezing them tightly shut. But I still saw his golden eyes in my mind glimmering in roughed sadness.

I took in one big lasting breathe.

Why did he do this to me? he ripped apart every last shred of me, taking my already confused head and ramming it against a wall. What was his objective, what was he trying so hard to accomplish? Most he try and kill me?

I couldn't hold back any longer, tears started pouring all over again, leaking from my strained eyes, as I closed them profusely. I felt like a mess, like anything so small and insignificant, could shatter me to oblivion. My heart felt of porcelain.

Still clutching the smooth jewel in my sweaty palm, I timidly touched it to my chapped lips. cringing my eyes more, I started mumbling ridicule words to it as though I was in my own little confessional. It was softy against my lips, reassuring, and yet cool for the touch. It gave me slight peace, which I yearned for so badly.

I wanted to scream, yell putridly of how lovely life is, how everything was butterflies and rainbows, and then take down a bottle of pills just to make the world think. Just to make them contemplate for a second before they get sucked into their own soap opera life, trying to make a point they would never understand. Even if it took my puny life to prove it...

though it would never be heard.

I felt disgusting, totally used and immortally dirty like the foul stench of impurity would never leave me.

I needed a joint, bottle of vodka, and a shower, But the only thing I'd be getting was a nice bathing. I could still smell the smoke whiffing off my clothes, and my breath most likely smelled of alcohol. Slowly, I lifted my head up to turn and take my first stare at the house. all the lights were out, which made it look ghastly in a way, as though I would see some transparent apparition appear in one of the glossy windows and give me the finger.

That chilled me.

With a hand on the steps, bracing myself, I got in a crouched position, holding on the railing with my right, I shakily straightened my legs, which they didn't like much. My whole body ached horribly. Grasping to railing for dear life, I clumsily made it up the 80 front steps to our house, which seemed like a mountain.

When I made it to the top, half crawling, half stumbling along, I found flat ground, and threw myself on its surface, not caring if my old grimy clothes got more horrid. This shrine had been my home for most of the years of my life, this is where I met Inuyasha, under the monstrous gobshinko tree, some long years ago, but I could still remember it as if it were yesterday.

I remember I just at the fresh age of 6, throwing light boxes into the room I had won over a coin toss, and just stood there puffing my chest with pride of lifting so much. But my self indulged thoughts left me when I caught sight of the humongous tree that shown from my window against the far wall.

I was so hypnotized I started shuffling to the window in a trance, ohing and ahing my walk there. I stood there for about five minutes as my eye grew big and glinted with curiosity, I was so innocent then, as is most everyone, its just hard to see how I ended up like this.

Braking a little bit from my daze, I pushed up of the ground, ending up sitting there, my face turned towards the large sight of a tree, mulling over what had happened ages ago.

Limply, my head gauged to the brisk cement ground, I pulling myself slowly to a upright stance. I stood there for a whileI can't remember, but when I did finally move, my destination wasn't the house, but the tree of ages that was driving me down memory lane. my feet made loud clambering noises with each step, fading bitterly to silence as I stopped next to its bulging body of a trunk, My head jutted up to stare at its exquisite beauty.

I remember crashing down the stairs from my room, and almost ripping the Japanese style sliding door on my track outside, tripping a few times on the pavement as I scrambled to the tree. A light breeze wafted my hair lightly, made the tree branches sway and moan. With my hand on my hips and an angry look on my face, I started yelling, probably looking like I was talking to the greenery.

"what in the world are you doing up there?"

I got no response, which made me angrier. I started tapping my foot, getting warily impatient.

"This isn't your property you know!"

Still I was answered with silence, which even got my temper heightened in escalation.

"Stop ignoring me! I know your up there!"

After a long wait of stillness, finally I heard a rustle of branches, the glinting against a wisp of white hair. I saw a little face peak out, a boy, about the same age as me. But he was so high up I couldn't distinguish his face.

"Alright, alright. You don't have yell wench."

That peaked my anger again. Stomping my feet, which brought rise to dust all around me, I pulled my arms behind me with my hands in fists. My eyes started twitching uncontrollably as I lashed my anger out.

"What did you just call me?"

"Wench."

His answer was blunt, like he didn't know what he did wrong.

"I do have a name you know, its Kagome!"

I let my fury lighten more when he snorted. He mumbled something that didn't catch my ears, but it sounded rhetorical. gritting my teeth, I stomped again and turned away, with my back facing the trunk. crossing my arms, I huffed loudly, as if offended.

"Why don't you get down from that branch and tell me that to my face."

I heard a faint ruffle of tree limbs, closing my eyes and jutting my nose up, I had refused to take note of it. When I felt the wind stir behind and a loud thump as his feet landed on the dirt that was squared off around the large tree, I turned around with a scowl planted on my face.

Everything was lost from my mind as I blinked, once twice, and then a third, finally chancing a good look at him. He had his arms crossed in a aunry fashion, with his nose pointed up and his eyes closed, little dog ears lightly twitching from the light breeze that had surrounded us.

"I... don't... care..."

His words never really did reach my ears as I stared at his furry appendages that stuck out of the top of his skull in wonder. A smile crept up my lips and my eyes glinted with curiosity.

A squeal escaped my mouth.

"How kawaii!"

My hand began to travel up, my little fingers waiting in expectation to touch the velvet fur. As my reach was finally getting me somewhere, I felt a firm grasp on my arm, hearing a annoyed voice come from the doggy boythingy in front of me.

"What the hell do you thing your doing wench!"

I giggled at his words and tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but his clawed hand wouldn't let go. I began to whimper. All I wanted to do was rub his ears but wouldn't let me, and I was getting impatient. Finally he let go, a growl escaping his throat. I let my arm fall limply to my side, making no sign to move it, even though I was screaming at myself too.

"What's... what your name?"

I asked my question pitifully, a slight pout look on my face. Glaring at me from his up cast eyes, he started to growl slightly, his white hair flowing against the wind.

"Who wants to know?"

He lashed it out at me, which made me back up slightly. I put a finger to my mouth and looked around me, my head moving left then right, then with know other place to look I searched under me, my head bobbing down to look in between my legs to the blind sight behind me, than went back to his golden stare. He was looking at me with curiosity, a little grin placed on his lips, and a small fang pocking out.

"umm... me? I don't see anyone else here..."

I guess I didn't get the joke, because he started to laugh at me, uncontrollably. He was doubling over, weasing and just couldn't stop. Tears started prickling at his eyes, he was hysterical. My eyebrows started moving into a frown again, and I stomped on the hard ground for the third time that day.

"Its not that funny you know!"

I screamed at him, he was just easing me on and it wasn't helping. My cheeks became rosy as I tried to hold my breath, my eyes giving him a death glare.

"I... couldn't... help it...!"

He stopped laughing, talking in big gulps of air, his face glowing totally red, like a plump red tomato harvested for thanksgiving dinner. My features softened a little more and I studied his face more closely. His radiant golden eyes shown through his silver long hair, that cascaded along his back. His cute little doggy ears were perked up in his long mane, as they were always alert, even in his states of weakness.

But… what made my face drop more, was the scrapes and scratches his toned skin bore. All over his face, scattering beyond count, dirt smudged in the gauged lines to make then more defined, and blotching brown over his brow and cheeks. It looked like he hadn't had a bath in days.

Shaking my head out of my thought I looked up at him with a shy look on my face.

"You know, you still haven't given me my answer..."

I trailed of on my words, not knowing exactly what to say. I looked down feeling selfconscious, and started fumbling with my hands. His clothes caught my eye. They were torn and dirty, big splotches of who knows what scattered over his red shirt. His jeans seemed like they got equal neglect, holes on the knees that exposed his scabbed skin. As for his shoes I saw none, just his plain feet seemed to suit him right. I felt kind of sorry for him, beginning to wonder how long he'd been staying in that tree…

Gaining my strength, I brought my gaze to his. He had a slight sad smile on his face, as if he knew I felt sorry for him. His eyes were glimmering with something I couldn't understand.

"It's Inuyasha."

The only response I gave him was a nod as I stared into his golden eyes...

The air became chilly again, and the sunny day darkened murkily to a deep slumber of dark hues. The light summer breeze faded to still silence. Everything became comatose.

During my gaze on the past, my arms had wandered to the rough bark on the trunk of the tree. My left hand slid against its splintery surface, feeling the contours of its skin, as if it were telling me a story of it long years. Its hard aches and its loss, all the memories that had surrounded it as the world became dark during these modern ages. Closing my eyes I reached higher, getting on my toes and skimming my hands along its beauty. It began to hurt, after standing there for minutes on end, it started to put strain on my already weakened body.

It became to much, and my body slid down against it as I fell helplessly on the dirt covered roots bellow. I had to get up, I had to make it to the house before it was to late, but I just couldn't do it. Burying my palm in the ground, I lifted a mound of dirt in my hand daintily, letting it slip through my pale fingers, falling to the tree roots and piling up slightly in miniature pyramids. My mind began to wander, as though it was also gliding through my finger and falling to the ground, separating myself from my physical body.

I never knew how much I had to rely on him, how much I depended on him for my sanity, for my survival. It felt like I cut off a part of me, and the wound had sat to long to reattach. Severing my ties with him, I lost a part of me... something I needed greatly for my life. I felt like a walking time bomb, ready to explode at the most possible second available.

I missed his kisses, his hugs, and the way he always seemed to be there, rain or shine. But most of all... I missed our friendship.

Casting my eyes up from their downward gaze, I stared up at the bare branches as I struggled to regain my stance using the tree as my life line. I stood there, squinting my eyes open and closed, hoping that suddenly he'd appear on his favorite branch, balanced perfectly as he gave off in the distance. Just like old times. How I missed though's days when life was less complicated.

Taking a deep breath, I turned away from the tree of dead memories, and made slow pace to the house. Still slightly drunk, I couldn't walk in a straight line, so my trail curved right then cowered left, my feet fumbling their way to the door. When I finally made it to the back door, I stood there for a moment before moving, making sure my steps were more quieted. The door quaked loudly as I closed it behind me and I winced as I stood totally silent for minutes on end. It seemed like hours when I finally made it to the bathroom.

My foot came to a stop in front of the cabinet mirror. I turned my head slowly and looked up, staring at a reflection that I didn't recognize. She looked dead, the image in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and read, and lines of old mascara ran down her cheeks in soot colored lines. Her red lipstick was smeared around her mouth, and eye shadow stained on her pained temples. I took the bathroom towel, as did she, like we were playing some game Simon says, and tried to sooth my face with gentle strokes. When my job was done I moved away from my reflection, clambering along as I closed the toilet seat, and seated myself on its cold surface. I sat there for a while, my hands slid between my thighs as I tried to grasp my footing in life.

After a while, my had eyes closed tightly, my mind swirling as I began to grow dizzy. Everything was spinning around me bizarrely.

I started to feel queasy, my head tipping to my shoulder as my eyes grew to slits in there awakening. I felt it crawling up my stomach to my throat, twirling in me, before showing its real destiny. My eyes began to bulge in expectance, and I hastily scrambled off the toilet seat, lifting it and seating my head on the lip of its mouth, throttling down my throat and into my trap, throttling its way to the bull like basin. I felt horrid, tears gathering in my eyes as I began to dry heave, trying to take in some air before I started puking again.

This was the worst, and I hated it with a unresolved passion.

Finally after many heaves of disgusting vile, I flushed the toilet and leaned against the wall behind me. With shallow breathes I tried to regain my composer, just waiting for the day to end. I bluntly felt like shit, wasted to the core, and I was in only hope that I hadn't wakened up the whole neighborhood.

My body was just not responding correctly with my brain.

I began to shiver, My shoulders tense and my teeth clattering. I had to do something before I lost total control.

Struggling, I shakily made it to my feet, holding on to the toilet for balance. I was doubled over, my left arm wrapped around my stomach, crawling my way to the bathtub. Clumsily I made it in the porcelain tub, pulling my hand over to the faucet, turning the knob till water started flowing through the old pipes. It was cold, freezing water, but I didn't care. Laying, with my head on the back lip of the bath, the cold stone steeping into my clothes, I let the water consume me sluggishly.

My damp clothes began to stick to me as though a second skin, shatteringly forgetting not to rid of the them.

When the water finally almost made it to the brim, I used my foot to slam off the tap, a deep bang penetrating my sawed mind and blanching through the walls. It trickled to a stop, echoing against the white walls surrounding me.

That would have been the perfect way to die, let myself drown to death then and there, sink to the bottom and just let myself go. I could be so easy to do, in a move my life severed. It was just so easy... to fall to unconsciousness with those lovely golden eyes haunting me in my descent. Oh how I would love to let go...

My thoughts were devouring by my conscious, savagely eating my mind. Taking one long ragged breath, my head slowly slipped under the nerve bitingly freezing water, My skin feeling like needles were pricking into the soft flesh. I could hear the echo of my noise under the surface, clanging when my belt scraped the bottom.

My thoughts began to wander, spreading through banks of memory, searching for some old faded moment, yellow and ripped at the edges.

And then it pounced on me, a memory longs since forgotten, revealed in my state. My breath started to leave me, escaping in large bubbles reflecting the images around them, surfacing with gurgle noises.

Parting my lips, my eyes seeped open, and I was faced with my own reflection, slurring and swirling as the waters surface wobbled...

(Flashback)

"What the hell are you doing! Put me down! PUT... ME... DOWN!"

"Would you shut up wench!"

My blood was boiling. A thirteen year old Inuyasha was holding me fireman style and wouldn't put me down.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that!"

A low growl escaped his lips as his response. He was hauling me to our special place in the shrine, the bone eaters well. It was what the shrine was built on, said in the feudal era that when demon bones were thrown in the deep shaft, they would disappear soon after. That how it got its name...

"NOW!"

"God damn it I can here you just fine when you don't yell!"

I gritted my teeth, grinding them against each other as I narrowed my eyes to slits. The shadow of the well house came over us as his footfalls came to a stop. Hearing as he opened the sliding door and entered the cold dank one roomed shed.

"Inuyasha..."

I spat it out at him, hoping it would somehow blackmail him to set me down. Without warning, he pulled me off his shoulder and dropped me to the ground, making the wood groan as my ass plopped on it. I gave him a mean face as I rubbed my butt in pain. He snorted at that, landing in front of me with his legs crossed.

"That's not very nice you know."

He gave a slight laugh, turning his head arrogantly and crossing his arms.

"It was the only way to shut you up..."

I finally stopped acting like an idiot, and shifted with my legs crossed in front and my hands holding me up behind my back. I had my head resting on my shoulder, staring at him intently.

"You don't have to be so rude all the time."

He met my gaze for a moment before turning his head to look down the old wood steps that led to the covered well. He merely snorted at me, and grumbled his famous "Feh,"

angering me to no end but I tried to hold it up. I knew he didn't mean anything mean about it. So I left it at that.

Pushing myself off the ground, I made my way down the rotted steps to the capped well, sliding my hand along the wooden panel covering the deep hole. It was rotted and cracked, having stooped there for decades, it had taken its toll. Pushing my palm on it, it creaked lightly.

Stopping the pressure, I smoothed my hand on a deep crevice.

Gasping quietly, I tore my hand away and brought it close to my eyes, staring at the splinter that had just penetrated my sensitive skin.

"You should be more careful."

He stated it matteroffactly. Turning my head to his direction, I know test he had been watching me the whole time. In response, I gave him a fake snooty face, scowling slightly, before hopping onto the platform and bringing my full attention to my poor finger.

"Kags! you shouldn't"

It was to late. I heard a loud crack under me as the board gave way. I gasped loudly as my head painfully collided with the lip of the well behind me. It was in slow motion, as I saw him jump and try to reach out for me, even though our distance.

And then the ceiling was my only view as the well walls came sliding from the corners of my eyes. My hands were reaching upwards as I hoped some higher being would grasp my arm. I started screaming, as I just kept falling, to a deep darkness I didn't know.

Then, I hit water, the full impact on my pack sending bolts of agony from the backlash. I began to sink, as though my body was stunned still, I just couldn't move. The water distorted my sight, I could only see little light pouring from between the broken boards.

Then I heard it, this beating radiating from somewhere bellow. Something was in there, something stirring beneath me. I could feel it consuming my senses.

Then I did, I felt the real emotion of fear. My screams cascaded from my throat, not that Inuyasha could here as I just kept drowning lower, the light slowly leaving my senses. I cried in agony, air cascaded from my nose and mouth in large mutated bubble that swam to the top, goading me to do the one thing I couldn't. I took a big intake of water, wishing it was air as I began to choke, filling my lungs with unwelcome liquid as I became to sink to unconsciousness.

I could here it coming toward me, the thumping growing louder and more distinct.

I thought I was going to die, I truly did... I felt myself wasting away to nothing. I felt my life shredding itself to bits, I felt my memory fading. I let go, in that moment I forgot my fears and let death take me. At that moment... I was no longer afraid of dying, a feeling I never could let go of. At that second, I realized how much it didn't matter, that the destruction of the world, would leave nothing but dust... that this meant a shred to none.

That my life alive or dead, would only join the void of oblivion...

And…

I liked it.

As my vision changed to a deeper blank, I reached my hand up, one more time, as if the jester would slaughter my last ties. Spreading my fingers in the last light I could compose, I stretched with all the strength I had stored, trying to grasp it as if it were some tangent object I could hold.

My eyes began to close, heavy as though with sleep, breathing in the water as though it were thick air.

I felt... so alive...

Then I had heard it, as large splash as the water around me stirred from the disturbance. I tried to comprehend as a strong hand clasped mine, dragging me upward as hands grasped me in a dead tight hold on my waist. The pain started to calm my ears as the pressure lightened. Finally after hard struggled strokes I saw the glimmering from the newly made hole above me. The surface broke around us, sliding down my scalp and my face.

I began to choke on water that had plugged my lungs, spewing out of my mouth in gallons. Coughing like crazy, scraping against my lungs and bringing tears to my eyes. Then I blacked out.

I don't remember how I made it to moldy wood floor, my next memory was Inuyasha's voice cooing to me quietly. I took in a deep ragged breath, my hand beginning to twitch as my eyes split open. The first thing I saw was Inuyasha' s fuzzy face, splitting into two images then clasping into one. He was hunch over me, his eyes closed so tight that crinkles appeared on the temples of his face.

I started coughing again uncontrollably, hacking up flem and water in the process of lifting my hand to my mouth. It stirred him, opening his eyes sluggishly, staring at me as I tried to calm my internal storm. When I finally took in a uneasy breath, he pounced me in a rough hug. Pulling me in a somewhat sitting position, my body planted between his spread out legs, he grasped me deeply, as if I was somehow the meaning of his life.

I closed my eyes shut, pathetically trying to return the embrace. His head came down from resting on top of my head to the crook of my neck, his mouth next to my ear.

"I thoughtI thought... II lost you..."

His voice was in a tone I never heard before, wavering without control, as if in need of me to be right there next to him. My only response was a slight whimper on my part, crawling up my throat to my mouth.

He only held me tighter...

(End Flashback)

My body slammed forward, gasping for much needed air. Sputtering and slurring my breathes as my hand journeyed to my pale face, masking over my eyes. The only sound in the cold dull room was my harsh breathing and the water cascading to its frozen pool around me.

My fingers began to slip down my forehead to my cheek, my other hand coming up to rest on the other. I couldn't do it, I couldn't kill myself... I couldn't... because I already had. That fateful day, I lost apart of me, strangled in the deep depths of that well, and I left it there, no longer free, it stayed in eternal darkness as we sealed the well.

That was the beginning of my darkened life, when I started drinking and doing drugs, and making out with the closest guy when Inuyasha wasn't watching. He would always tell, that spectacular nose of his always knew, and he'd start growling and go all rigid. The only word he would ask me as he turned his back on me... was an everlasting...

"Why?"

Searing through my soul with the very word muttered. My answer was never heard, my eternal voice only called out to him in utter catastrophe, screaming in whisper, cooing in my conscious in smooth words.

'_I have to wake up...'_

I never left, I was still there in that well, the pulsing beat grinding into my ears, the darkness flooding around me. I have never woken up, with each second I grew into a deeper sleep.

My soul was grounded in ever waking darkness...

I was dead...

The loud splattering of tears hitting my watery grave awoke me from my deep thoughts...

I didn't even know I was crying…

I couldn't stake it off anymore, emotions and tears flooding my face, distorting my features as a involuntary sob past a way through my throat. I let it go, letting everything fall to smooth liquid surface, know longer able to blink back tears. I started to shake, waves conjuring and hitting the plain tub walls, splashing noisily in annoyance.

I was so close... so close to finishing the job…

Finally when I could get myself momentarily calm, I reached down under me, my hand blindly groping for the drain plug. When succeeded, I numbly turned on the tap and pulled the knob to turn on the shower head above me. Water began to rain down on me, cold light droplets that burned the soul, drenching my already soaked hair. Taking in a deep craned breath, I slowly stood, keeping a hand steadily on the side of the wall to hold my unstable balance. As my body stretched lengthily into a straight stance, I pulled my head up lightly catching the drops on my stressed face, craning my neck as far as I was able.

After moments I lost count of, my hands came numbly to the hem of my shirt, sluggishly pulling over my head, My skirt followed soon after along with every other necessary Item till I was totally stripped head to toe, the pile of sopping clothing plopping down in the dissipating water from my previous bathing.

Streams flowed down my body, along my arms down my back and over my breasts, falling to the draining water around my ankles loudly after its journey over my contours.

I tried hard to drown everything with it, everything negative and wrong, but know matter how hard I tried I just couldn't let go, still searing my heart with its fire.

I felt like I'd never smile again.

My hands subconsciously started to smooth along my skin, over my long torso and scarred shoulder, gliding along my upper arm to hold limply onto my elbows in a humble jester as I bent my head. My battered right forearm caught my thoughts in a net, staring with squinted eyes as my attention fell to the hateful scars along my wrist to my elbow, angry scattered lines pelted along my deathly white skin.

I wasn't proud.

I made them in hard bared moments when I thought I was going to be crushed through the ground in the most horrible vulgar ways imageless. Times when I felt hell would swallow me hole. I couldn't stand those self inflicted horrid wounds, they always made me feel internally gross and dirty.

I jerked my head away, not wanting to look anymore. I just couldn't handle it anymore, pushing my palms against the tile wall, I ducked my head bellow the shower of droplets, letting one last lone tear slip down my red cheek, melding with the falling water to drop to the porcelain bath.

No longer able to hold myself, I fell to the bottom as well, my legs folding under me as I leaned my head lower, my bangs covering my troubled eyes.

Laying there as though I hit rock bottom.

I slitted my eyes to gaze at the standing water, my fingers nimbly coming down to swish within it, stirring whatever scum that floated upon it.

I mumbled it... that... one... word, asking in desperation for something to save me, holding it tightly to me as soon as the word past through my lips, sinking dead to drown in the drain along with the ugly water. Scattering to a oblivion of nothing.

"Why?"

My answer never came...

**Yay! next chapter, (I feel so smart). The next update might take a while I don't know, most probably a week or two. Thanks to those who reviewed, I'm happy you took the time to read my sucky story! **

**Here's my responses:**

_**Black Haru:** Thanks, I'm glad you liked it, sorry I made you sad though..._

_**Lyn: **cool, you think its good?_

_**Silent Bloody Tears:** You really like it that much? I thought it was kinda dry, I'm not the best writer. _

_**xxXDarkSlayerXxx:** Sorry i confused you so much, I sometimes have a hard time getting things out right._

_1.__The Inuyasha and Kikyo thing, I don't really know how to explain it yet, i kinda figure things out along the way, Inuyasha just started dating Kikyo for reasons Kagome didn't know. _

_2. After Inuyasha started dating Kikyo a couple months back, there friendship began to crumble. He started to shift away from her, and just the way there lives are, it ground things to pieces and Kagome didn't want to live with it, so she tried to break her ties and move on, wich wasn't smart..._

3. _When I talk about sex, I mean the some hard one on one action. To make the answer simpler, no they definantly didn't stop._

_**Sinobi-chan: **I will continue, I was just blackmailing people to review me, though I might have done it... Anyway to answer your question, They most probably will become friends by the end, it depends on how the story leads me._

_**Midnight-Shadow-385:** Hi! I know , I'm so proud of myself, I came so close to not telling you, but i suck at lying. Yeah I probably will put them together, but I'm not gonna tell you that info. I thought that over already, I was just blackmailing people to review me, I'm smart ain't I? Thanks for becoming my beta, I needed a second opinion. Anyway see you at school!_


	3. Echoes in a Distant Lullaby

**Suicide Symphony**

**by**

**_DES_**

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Inuyasha, plain and simple._

**3**

**Echoes in a Distant Lullaby**

When I made it to my bed, I was torn and internally beaten to a unrecognizable pulp. The last strand of patience was broke, and all I wanted was to lay in eternity in my soft down bed.

The sheets felt silky smooth against my aggravated skin, blushing a rosy red from scrubbing wildly till it was raw and my arm ached from the continuous movement.

Turning my head from its snuggled state in my cozy pillow, I rounded it to the direction of the window, blankly stared at the peaking sun surfacing from the cluttered and disfigured horizon.

School would start soon, not that I was in any state of mind for attending. I didn't need any fake accuses, no own here cared if I staid or left. My mom would fuss a muck, but she wasn't here, and never really was most of the time. She had better things to do than watch the grass grow while we hauled our asses on with life. We knew how to take care of our selves, so she had no need to stay every waking hour to keep a eye on us.

The sun had risen more, making me savagely tear my eyes from the blaring light that burned images into my sockets.

I heard the birds begin to chirp, quietly singing a sweet melody that calmed the heart and swayed the soul.

My gaze traveled to the old maple side table next to me. Upon it sat small insignificant things… but the object that caught a lump in my throat and made my eyes wallow and prickle with unshed tears, was the small framed picture the blurred mildly from the glare of the sun.

It was Inuyasha.

A concrete look was plastered on his face; blank, as though deep in thought, staring at a foreign object that was out of view. He had his hands behind his head to hold himself up, his legs lazily crossed over my old floral couch that had worn over the years. It was dark, the light from another room reflecting off him to pronounce his features more, making his powder hair glimmer with a soft silver shine. His eyes were glimmering brightly, though the light absence from the room.

A bright warm brown sugar gold, It was the most eye catching thing in the whole picture. Even when you turned off the lights you could still make them out. It was kind of creepy, alien, like if someone looked at it the would think of it inhumanly possible... but then again... he wasn't really human.

I took the picture. I stole the camera from Kikyo's room, sneaking up on him though he probably knew I was there. His reaction was a postcard moment. He snapped up, blindly tripping with his face plastered to the floor. He was all confused and I couldn't stop laughing.

That was the best picture I've ever seen of him...

Completely entranced, my hand jerked out from next to me, my pale finger tips crawling over the folds of cotton fabric, arm extending in its patients. My hands touched the cool metal frame, traveling lightly to it icy class encasement. I started to trace his form, gliding along as I scooted closer, my heading bobbing into the its awkward reflection. My face melted against his, the two images acquainting in a mild fashion, His soft innocent face, blending against my wearied and bland one.

His soft lips were creased in a involuntary light frown, and his eyes... his eyes were just staring...

like the meaning of everything I've fought for in this retched world was right in front of his face, everything so beckoned and craved was polished easily into his doubtful mind...

And he just kept staring... with all his worth he kept grasping at that one point so far away from my view, know matter how hard I tried...

I would never find it...

Striving taintedly in a unforgiving world.

I couldn't take it anymore, words were running a million miles a minute and I just couldn't withstand its wrath. It was thrumming into my skull in rhythmic beats, increasing my breaths and making sweat bead on my forehead.

It... just... hurt... to breathe.

I slammed the picture down, making a crash echo around the walls that encased me. I couldn't handle to see that image, even if it was my life at stake, I couldn't bare to see him, it was to much grief on my side to burden.

I roughly hauled myself up to a stance, circling the room as I stared down every photo, poster, and picture. They were all laughing at me, grinning and pointing fingers. Their putrid ignorance, flaming my anger.

I stripped my room to its bland white walls, ripping everything to shreds as they descended to the floor, piles of thrashed rubble slowly covering the grey dull carpet floor. I didn't care what it was in any shape or form, I just wanted them all to stop…

I needed to stop the voices in my head.

I turned a sharp 180 and suddenly stopped abruptly, my old long full body mirror towering above my short from. It was one of those old fashion oval mirrors, a silver rim framing its reflective surface. Pictures cluttered it, jaggedly making a full circle.

Each photo was of us, down to the smallest cutouts, each one contained me and Inuyasha...

At the park, in school, snuggled together on my lumpy couch... they were all there, all lasting memories I wanted to cherish forever...

Until now.

I scraped them all of without another thought, beginning to reach my brink of destruction, throwing them across the room as I twirled around in dizzy thrashing movements.

My realm of sanction began to blur, everything around me colliding in fashious swirls. It was like I was standing still on my axes, while the world around me began to spin beyond reason.

It made me nauseous.

My knees buckled and my shins slammed against the floor, my whole body withering intoxicated to the ground. I took in deep breaths as I lifted my head heavily as I stared a the image of the girl in front of me, hiding behind hooded bangs.

I looked dead. Like some vampire from the a distant netherworld.

My pale features seemed transparent... like my physical image was fading at the edges, melting to nothingness. It was... it was like I was... disappearing...

Gently, my arm lifted up with a will of its own, extending with all the force I could conjure. My palm pushed up upon the smooth glassy surface, colliding with the hand of my reflection.

I felt sorry for her, each time I saw her... she was caged, sealed into some worthless object.

I let my finger glide along the surface, leaning down as my forehead touched its hard plane. For a second, I stared into her pained eyes, before I closed mine tightly shut.

I tried to glimmer on anything but the past, but no matter hard how I tried to keep myself from it, it seemed to always catch up on me, grasping me in its tangled net.

Images flashed behind my eyes, kindling my conscious, jogging in and out of piles of memories repressed over years.

But, there was one, one I could not escape, casting a vengeful shadow across the tarnished fields in my mind…

It was not so many years ago, after my dreadful turn for the worse in the well. Him and I were sinking low. Our lives had been suppressed down, and we were rebelling with hatred.

My goody goody persona was rotting away, transpiring into a trashed up freak who couldn't stay sober.

But he was always there, like a fallen angel, whenever I dared to pass those so hard bold lines, he was always there right next to me, taking the step with me...

(Flashback)

"Why... why do you think he left?"

My sigh echoed across the room as I heard his whispered question, barely making it passed his lips.

I opened my eyes, trying to grasp onto the right words but failing miserably. It was a hard question to answer, all my life, I tried to grasp on for the very words I couldn't find now.

Whenever the subject was brought up, my throat would close off, and I would have to excuse myself from the room so I wouldn't brake into tears.

"I... I don't know why my dad left. He just... he just was gone one day, without an explanation or a note, not even a word. That night when we got home, everything was gone. All the couches and beds, everything you could imagine was... just gone…"

The words came spilling out of my lips, castrating the room around us as I stared at the ceiling lost in deep thought. My hand tightened around the nose of the vodka bottle that Inuyasha had snuck me. I had been guzzling it down, about a third was left, my brain was beginning to blur, wildly spinning out of control.

"Even things from Kikyo, Souta, and my rooms were missing, though my closet was still full of clothes and toys were thrown all over the floors, all my furniture was lost. I remember when... when mom came in... she just... like broke down, it scared the hell out of me. And we just stood there, Souta crying in my arms, and Kikyo... she was staring down the hall where are family pictures used to hang..."

My settle pause reprimanded the room, stillness settling over both of us.

My head tilted to my shoulder, my eyes roamed to Inuyasha. He was laying there on his back, his orbs glaring the contours of the room as his brows ferode, a look of seriousness on his face. A cigarette was perched between his lips, smoke curdling and flailing as it disappeared on it journey upward. His legs were lavishly crossed, and his hands were propped behind his head. His jacket and other unnecessary clothes had been discarded, leaving him only in a plain black t-shirt and worn baggy black faded pants that I had bought him years ago.

Taking a deep breath, his arm pulled away from his head to take the cigarette in his fingers, exhaling languishly as smoke seeped from his lips and nostrils in a puff.

I don't know when he started smoking, it was never a big surprise to me. I knew he'd been doing it for a while, it wasn't till a little while ago that he'd smoke it in front of me though. I guess he thought it was a bad influence and I might get caught into it, which is exactly what accured.

Raising myself on my elbow, I leaned my body across his chest for the side table where a pack and a lighter laid. I shook a cigarette out of the small package, bringing it to my lips as I picked up the lighter and flicked the flame awake. I brought it to my lips, taking a second to light it before I threw it back down on the small side table, and took a long deep drawn breath.

I crawled over him back to my side, laying my head blindly on his shoulder. It seemed his gaze had never changed from the spot that overhung above us.

Groping for the bottle I had left in my place, I took a long swig, feeling the familiar taste as it ran down my numb throat to my stomach.

After a second, I tired to find my words.

"I guess it was for the best, we left there after and moved into the shrine. My mom couldn't take care of the three of us on her own and Jii-san was getting to old to care for the shrine."

I waved it off without a second thought, bringing the cigarette to my lips as I turned up to his face. He still seemed stationary, his features tightly clenched.

Then, he spoke, his words softly pouncing on the walls with each syllable.

"My dad... he was never really there. Mom... she used to tell me these imaginary stories about journeys he took as he slayed evil youkai and saved the world. It wasn't till I was older that I learned he died when I was four."

My eyes bulged out of my head, I was stunned.

He… he never talked about his past, always seemed to bottle it up. He had finally found enough trust to confide to me his banished tale.

"My mom... she always tried to raise me right... but living off wealthfare and skipping from shelter to shelter wasn't exactly under the catagory. She tried to keep food on the table, though most of the time our meals were cut down to shit. It got so bad... that after a while... sheshe had to go into prostitution just to get us a place to stay..."

His voice started to brake as he tried to keep nuetral. I could feel his pain radiating off him in waves, screaming in agony for a shred of claim. I felt bad, like it was my fault he was reliving this.

His hand snaked around me side, sliding down my arm to entwine in my fingers. he began to grip me close.

"And then... one day she just... she just gave out. She came crawling home after her nightly routine, and just broke down... she was just holding me and kissing my face and kept asking me these crazy questions. She kept saying 'I love you' over and over…"

Pausing, he took in a raged breathe.

"She began to scare me. Then... she got up with a sweet smile on her faceyou know the one only a mom can doand said she was gonna take a shower. I saw her faceas the door closed I saw her face reflecting in the cracked cabinet mirror, and she was smiling at me with tears running down her cheeks... It seemed like slow motion as her image disappeared behind the door... The shower never turned on... I sat there for ten minutes till I realized what was happening."

His eyes glinted with a repulsed recognition, emotions flying and cowering along his crystalline orbs. His lids fluttered closed, a pained expression coursing his flushed face.

"I just began to thrash against the door, screaming her name as I cried... she didn't even answer. I just kept crying and crying as my shoulder got so fucking bruised... I was so scared... andand she was just so silent... I justI couldn't…"

His voice broke deformedly, taking a long moment to pull himself together till his eyes squinted open.

"When I finally busted the door open, she was hanging from the shower curtain bar, by some appliance cord. Her face was blue and her eyes were bulging out.. andand her neck was all in this fucked up position…"

His hands tried to exaggerate as they mindlessly motioned in the air.

"That was about 8 months before I met you... "

His words came out muttered and disgruntled, flaking with deep contemplation. His eyes began glaze over as he tried desperately to keep his mask up.

I did the only thing I could do, sitting up on my knees and bringing his head against my chest, smoothing down his hair as I clutched him close. His arms slid around my waist, enclosing me flush in his tight grasp. His nose snuggled into my breasts, taking deep breaths as I cooed to him quietly.

"And each day I'd go to the park where she always bought me... and I'd just sit there on the swings, waiting for her to push me... waiting for her to sneak up on me and yell surprise and snuggle me with hugs and kisses...

A sorrowed sign pitted against my chest, his body heaving over and clutching me tighter with each sentence.

"But... she never came..."

His words were mumbled against my shirt, his breathe tickling my sensitive skin, there was this monotone feel to his voice, yet you could hear the stressed emotions he tried so hard to cage. My hands were entangled in his hair, calmly running my fingertips along his back through his silver tresses. Laying my head down on his, his ear began to twitch as I nudged it with my nose.

I didn't know what to say, all words that could be conjured had been lost from my mind. I just held him tighter.

"I would begin to starve... going for days without eating... I began to steal from stores, grabbing only a apple or two, it was my best bet... I didn't want to get caught...and then one day, I got sick… I just sat on those streets and waited for death... and people would stare, not even give me a penny or ask if I was fucking alright, they'd just stare at me with disapproval... and sometimes... sometimes they'd throw things..."

His hands traveled up my back to grip my shoulders painfully.

My heart was constricting... I felt a deep sense of guilt. His grasp on reality was fading, decomposing and crippling toto... nothing.

My balanced was shamed as we descended to the bed, his head traveling from my chest to the crook of my neck, his nose gently nuzzling a sweet kiss on the column of my throat. His arms wrapped around me as I loosely held him, our legs tangling in a mess as we scooted closer to each others warmth. My hand came up under his shirt, rubbing soothing circles along his back.

I snuggled the top of his head with my cheek, trying to smooth his raging soul... he justhe just seemed so lost, like the little boy waiting patiently in the rainy park for his dead mom.

Slowly his head bobbed up, his golden eyes breaking my trance, swimming with cold and sadness, and great remorse that seemed to heavy to bare. He... he resembled a dying puppy...

Without warning, his lips smacked against mine, my eyes growing wide as his hands crawled under my shirt in a haste that seemed more hoarse then loving. He kissed me with fever, begging me to respond as he teased and bit my lower lip lightly.

It wasn't a loving kiss, it was a needed one, like he needed sexual lust or someway of relieving his anguish. I couldn't stop myself, his way out to hard for me to badger. Urgently, I began to return the kiss heatedly, seductively sucking on his lip and arching my torso. His groin was reacting untamishly, fuming some deep with me to awaken and curl my thigh around his hips, squishing my breasts against his chest.

I was intoxicated with a heavy dosage of teen hormones, roaring primal sex to satisfy my needed urge.

With my hands still under his shirt, I raked my fingernails along his shoulder blades, making him growl, rumbling deep in his chest plastered against mine.

My mind was blurred with desire.

I only let him travel as he scorched his lips along my jaw, nipping at my sensitive of my neck. His hands slid over my bare stomach, gliding up to my chest and cupping my supple breasts through my lacy black bra.

His lips claimed mine again, and it felt so wrong and dirty.

And… I liked it.

His fangs bit my tender lower lip, allowing them to part and his tongue entered my dry mouth. He knew exactly what he was going, dancing and swirling as he felt my tongue and teeth.

I knew he'd had sex, it was just a plain fact about him... Many of his past girlfriends slutty whores who were just dating him for a hard fuck and his lustful body.

His experience and lead was incredibly sexy.

My hands glided along his smooth sweaty skin, curving along his sides to his muscled chest. My fingertips were tantalized with his plains, devouring every inch I could touch.

I arched up against him uncontrollably, his delicious figure was hard to keep my body in check. Instantaneously his fangs bit into my neck, making my eyes snapping open.

I knew it was wrong, every inch of it was a sin, and yet it was so good, a guilty pleasure.

I knew when this was over, I would lose it, I would hate myself to no end. This would only make it worse...

"Inuyasha..."

My lips were mumbled against his. He pulled away to go after my neck and collar, his kisses paving down the cleavage in my shirt. His hand came to the hem of my jeans.

My eyes widened at his thoughts, beginning to ask myself if I wanted this or not...

I had to push him away.

"Please... you... know you don't want to do this..."

My hands were at his chest, pleading him to let go, no matter how much I wanted it. His ears seemed to be deaf to my words, stringing to nothing for him.

His hands had successfully unbuttoned my pants, his lips back at the column of my throat. I closed my eyes tightly, a sob cringing my face up as I tried hard to let go.

"Inuyasha... _please_... stop..."

It fell like silent velvet leaves between us, his whole body tensing under my touch. His mouth stopped its kisses and his hands stilled at the my jean zipper.

A lone tear rolled down my cheek.

I truly felt I broke him.

He pulled his lips from their perch on my throat, sluggishly dismembering from me, trying to stare anywhere but my face. His features were drawn up in hurt as he looked down, silver locks falling down to hang along his arms. Guilt clogged up my lungs...

I had hurt him... hurt him bad... shoving it in my face as he turned away. His hands were still on my forearms, gliding down as he scrambled away, I didn't allow him though, my grip tightening on his sides.

"Please... don't do this to yourself, your drunk... and lost... you didn't meanI didn't... Please don't go, don't leave me so con...confused..."

My head fell low as I stuttered my pleading words, my heart ripping apart in error.

He paused at my words, but as soon as the seconds passed he still pushed away. Climbing off the bed, he slipped away from my hands. My arms fell, but as quickly as one tumbled down, it sprang up, leaning my body in as I tried to grab him again. It missed by miles.

"Don't"

His words were cut short as I lunged at him, tackling him to the coarse carpet. I was in tears by then...

"Don't... go!"

I croaked out, my voice cried out along the walls, echoing to a stale ring. He was flat on his back as I snuggled my face into his chest.

"Don't leave me..."

I whispered it out, clinging to his shirt as my tears dampened it.

"Please... don't do this to your self."

It was mumbled against his shirt, crying out in agony for a shred of truth. I didn't want him to do it to himself, I didn't want him to push away... I didn't want him to feel over flowing guilt... I just... wanted him here... right next to me...

"Kags, don'tdon't cry..."

His arms came slowly around me, timid as if might lash out. I clung to him as if he were my last life source. He was so much that I needed to survive, with him gone... I would never live...

I was sobbing hard by then, choking up my throat and cascading out my mouth. I had thoroughly soaked his black cotton shirt, slightly warm and splotched, sticking to his well toned chest.

My chin settled on hard muscle, taking shallow breaths as I stared at his face. He was glaring at something on the ceiling, a look of misery on his face.

Crouching with my butt in the air, I crawled to his face, my hair falling in curtains around us. His hold was still tightly gripped on my hips, my hands traveling to either side of his shoulders to create a very intimate position.

His head lolled to the side, away from my gaze, as though it burned. My fingers came up lightly as I silently spread my dark hair away from his face, then wrapping my forearms around the crown of his head. I was on my elbows, bringing our faces so much closer that my nose was only a inch away from his cheek.

He turned then to me, our gazes latching. His face was wearied and torn.

His words were quietly spoken, but they held a tone of plead, a cry for sanity, lurching forward in plain tonic pain.

When they were hung my heart stopped...

"Why does it have to hurt so much..."

I was dry for words, his meaningful cry so hard for me to watch. His eyes brimmed with swindled torture, held back for far too long in a morbid purgatory. He slashed his pooling orbs deeply closed, his face twisting in agony as he gripped onto his utterance.

"Just... please, Kags... make it... go away."

It plundered deep into the soul, ripping and shredding everything held dear. It made my heart shatter...

A salty droplet fell from my jaw, tumbling down as it splattered on his taught cheek.

I bowed my head, my brow resting against the column of his throat.

"I wish I could... I'd sell my soul, toto..."

He rolled me to my side, cradling his head against my neck.

Softly, whimpers poured out of his mouth unwillingly, curling closer to me on the unforgiving rug, the world blotting out around us...

(End Flashback)

My day dream was cut short when a muffled knock clunked on my door.

My rude awakening jolted my senses awake.

It took me seconds to realize my position had changed drastically, my whole body lunged over in a humble crouch, my head cupped in my hands. My face was soaked with sweat, a headache beginning to distort my mind.

I knew a hangover was coming on...

"Kagome?"

My name was called, deafly making it through the thick plaster walls.

It was Souta, his small squeaky voice easy to make out.

Eagerly, I thrusted up, pouncing to my bed while trying savagely to wipe my teary eyes away. Pulling back the cover, I snatched them over my head, snuggling down into the soft comforter.

My heart began to race.

I heard the door squeak open and a shuffle as he took a step in the room.

"Kagome...?"

I tried to hide any indignation that I was conscious, keeping my breathes shallow so the would move. I know it was kind of stupid, it wasn't like I was hiding or anything, I just felt the smaller and insignificant I was the easier to avoid.

His steps creaked on the floor, patting in a rhythm as they neared my bed.

"Sis, are you awake?"

I instantly tensed when his hand padded pressure on my side. My eyes closed as I intaked a gulping breathe, biting my lip down till it bled.

"Sis, what the hell did you do to your"

He suddenly hung his sentence in midair, escalating my fear as his hand tugged away fro my side.

It was silent for to long, seeming like forever as he waited for a nonexistent reply.

Finally, after it seemed hell froze over, I heard a clang of some ones shoes as they reached to top of the stairs.

Fuck, my door was still open.

"Souta, your going to be late!"

Kikyo's voice echoing through the hall, bouncing back and forth till it hit my room. I heard as he jolted slightly, shifting his feet as if in hurry back and forth.

"I'll... I'll go tell Kikyo you won't be going to school."

With that he scurried off out of the bedroom, snapping the door shut as his steps faded away.

Then I finally relaxed... or what you could call it, my body was still screaming and my head was dangerously mentally distressed, but it was the best I felt all day.

I needed a cigarette.

Briskly flasking the sheets off me, I dragged my self to my old wood closet drawer. It took allot of strength on my part, but after much fussing and pulling I opened the bottom underwear drawer.

My arms were aching hatefully as I began to search through colorful thongs and frilly bras, a box of extra large condoms thrown carelessly behind me that had never been opened.

Most was evidence of dares that Miroku and I used to play at the mall.

My hand finally caught tale of the carton, lancing out of the lingerie grave, my hand jumping back in to retrieve the lighter.

After my dig, I crawled over to my window, unlatching it and tried bravely to open it.

Luckily it complied.

As soon as it cracked open, wind busted against me, crashing against me as it quivered the debris around me.

I was surprised Souta didn't make more of a comment, my room looked like shit.

With my hands shaking, I pulled out one squished cigarette from its crumpled worn package, bringing it to my lips as I tried unsuccessfully to swipe the lighter.

It took about five or six tries till I lit it correctly, my thumb feeling raw and abused, but I didn't care, I just wanted a drag.

Jittery, I brought the flame close to my face, letting it lick the cigarette, orange and blue flames crackling slightly as the object came alit.

Dropping the lighter, I gingerly closed my eyes, taking a big long intake of smoke. I took my leisure in the pleasure of the calming agent of deadly chemicals, the smoke curling and swirling as it reached upwards. My shoulders released the powerful tension, rolling my head from side to side.

I smoked one, then two, and then a third but that was a accident, I didn't even know what I was doing till It was half way burned, so I just shrugged my shoulders and let it go.

Inuyasha had gotten me addicted, I didn't know if he felt sorry for it or what, his empathy only seen little to none. But I still didn't understand the reason smoking was so bad, I had read the label but it didn't have the information I wanted. I knew it killed people...

But isn't that what I wanted... Death?

...That memoryit was the first time something like that happenedsomething sparked. But... it was never the last, How could it be the last, it was only the beginning of our twisted friendship. But never was there love, just weird lustful moments...

We did love each other... just not in that way.

We were like... two pieces to a puzzle, perfectly made to fit each others grooves and curves...

Metaphorically that is.

We had just... clicked, even though our racial differences, even though we used to argue and get in yelling matches... there was just something... so small and breakable, that we lost long ago.

My thought were adrift in a whirlwind of memories, a puff of smoke filtering through my lips and nose.

A sigh bubbled to from my mouth, my whole body crunching in a hunched tired form. My rest had been reduced to zip in 36 hours, and I felt like a walking log. I needed sleep so badly, but I just was so traumatized that unconsciousness would only be a death wish.

Flicking the cigarette out the window, my eyes wandered aimlessly to the carpet floor, darting left and right at the piles of shreds scattering in piles along the wall. My arm moved away from its rested ease against the window, skimming my palm along its soft itchy surface.

My brows twitched together in contemplation, little precarious notes being taken in my head.

Rambunctiously I crawled to the side of my bed, squinting my eyes as my head ducked low to the floor. My hands were groping around me, searching for something small but so meaningful.

I must have looked crazy my butt swaying side to side as I crouched in a worshiping position, my hands groping like a pervert in a strip joint around me.

Perchasedly, my stare nailed to my object of search, titling lower as I scuttled close to its confinements.

My fingers gingerly wisped against the crusted burn mark embalmed in the grey rug.

It was where I dropped my cigarette, forgetting entirely about it when I brought Inuyasha close to me under the hood of his anguish.

It was the only thing I held from that night, even though I could have risked the house burning down, it held a meaning I had yet to understand.

It marked a beginning, the beginning when everything fell apart, crumbled and shattered at none but unease. The young tame innocence that had once flourished, had crippled and withered and melted into some penumbra of chaos.

The reliant world condemned the fleeting reality around us, crushing the very fabric of existence.

Slit wrists, gashed necks, blood flowing in rhythm as tangent crimson oozed from pulse points.

It was all the same, all deliberate, clipped into a screwed fashion.

But I still was cradling it as though it was the last hope of man… I just sat and stared tried to balance the craving reason of survival.

So I'm sorry if I don't update in a while, I'm going to Hawaii for a week and then it might take me a while to write. But I might not be able to finish the story, I have this fucked up feeling that I'm gonna die, so yeah, I'll have my good friend Neteah to save your asses and finish the story. Isn't that right Nat? Anyway, I felt this chapter was crap, I didn't like it, I felt I went to fast and forgot to put more descriptive writing. Tell me what you think.

Sorry I just updated this and lost all my responses to the reviews. I still love you all!


	4. What Sears Me to This World

**Suicide Symphony**

by

**_DES_**

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha, plain and simple._

**_4_**

**_What Sears Me to This World_**

Loud faltered pounding echoed with each step my feet pounced, slapping my worn sneaker soles against the ghastly cold grey pavement.

My sleep had taken a new low, unjusting me with nothing but dark rings under my eyes and a slumped figure.

I most likely resembled shit.

The brisk cold late noon wind didn't reach my tethered crippled thoughts. I had just wasted many lost hours on tossing and scrutinizing till the time passed and I could no longer handle breathing in closed walls.

So there I was, stripped down from needed hours of rest, completely deprived of any source of nutriment for the last 12 hours or more.

My hangover didn't help either, stabbing my head to a void of pain and profuse ache, dimming my eyes to squinting and sweat bubbling at my temples. My stomach was going down a not so different road.

The flogging crisp air calmed my boiling skin, seeping through layers upon layers of clothing I had shoved on before my departure. Shivering from discontent cold, I subconsciously skipped down the pile of stares that descended to the mildly busy street the hung bellow.

Kikyo and Souta had left to ages ago, seemingly usurping me of any object of transportation. So I had to walk it.

I mingled with the late afternoon crowd, staring and acquainting the grimy cement side walk with its lovely gum splotches littering its rough callous surface, begging plead for some unworthy shoe to stick to its buoyant lately chewed exterior.

The smell was absolutely vulgar at involuntary points, completely fogging up my senses with its horrible urine fume, leaking from some corner or alley I would cross paths with.

Blatantly the skies were dimmed to melancholy grey, casting objects to appear black and white, cascading everything to a dull plank of awareness. Every block I would scale began to blur, melting into some slow consistent path that led to the edges of the world, grappling a invisible fulcrum to keep myself adrift.

People began to clutter the streets symbolizing I was in a more known area. My path became more entwined, squeezing and shoving through stupid American tourists and high priced businessmen. I hated them all the same.

My trudge took no haste in direction, my feet leading me to a place I didn't like nor cared, as though my compass went haywire and all sense of left or right was lost. I, more than a good amount of times, had walked into a green light, but my blank sulking state rendered me to not take much note.

It seemed like everything around me dimmed out of paradox, scamming me to stake strife as though my last refuge. My fingertips became numb from their vast gripping and squeezing, my sharp knarled nails slicing into my soft fleshy palm. Fractals upon fractals collided, continuously sparking indignation that my null brain could not configure.

It all scared me so much, more than I ever could find comforting, that everlasting feeling of being trapped in captivity.

Fumbling with my coat, my brain seemed to take a momentous pause, gritting my teeth as My hands batted down my zipped pockets. My fingertips became enthralled with the small lithe package of their crave. Crouching my back I pulled the object out, making crackling noises under my tight grip.

I knew it was wrong, the moment the cigarette was placed between my lips and I was fumbling to ignite the lighter with a blundering trouble, I knew I should stop. All this stress just seemed to implode on me and smoking was my only escape, my only point of relief.

My first drag was breathe taking, my second okay, and by my third it seemed to seep to a mechanical mode. But I couldn't stop, even though the feeling was dull and discontenting, I couldn't stop. I was addicted, I was ashamed to say but not afraid to admit.

I was deeply, utterly, positively addicted...

and I just seemed unable to care.

Kids would come skipping down the sidewalk, showing off their gappy toothy grins. Laughing at nothing as their little pudgy sweat coddled hands gripped their moms or dads in tow. It annoyed me, like they were flouncing that innocence I never had. I just had to crunch my teeth till they looked my way, then I could maybe, force a smile. Their quake was unimaginable, even though their squeaky loud voices had faded away, they were imprinted in my mind, as if making a mental note to never have kids.

I slowly seeped into my daily routine, crawling this way in that, seeming like I had no sense of order but the clothes I wear. My breath was tangible in front of me, seeping from my nostrils as though a ancient fuming dragon, puffing out and then slightly disappearing.

I began to freeze, no longer the cold inviting as my body temperature had lowered, so I took sanction in one of the fancy up priced malls that had flourished in a sector of the downtown area.

Immediately when I entered, I felt out of place, only the spendy rich kids hung out there, symbolizing the very point when you scanned their directory. The only shops you see, are Burberry, Gucci, Louis Vuittion, Coach, all stupid imported shops that had somehow leaked into the system and ended out over here.

At least they had a bookstore, something I could handle till I wasn't shivering my ass off.

I clutched my coat closer as I shuffled through the languished hall with bulging ceiling and exceeding widths, piloting exaggerated store signs in big fat bold letters, distracting the attention of anyone against the plain white walls. Mountainous frames arched towards the glass window roof, proceeding articulately with intricate designs that crawled thoroughly up the sides. It all seemed rather dense to me, distracting only the unworthy rich snotty people.

I didn't want nor needed plain logo purses or over expensive shoes, it just looked ambiguous to me.

I kept walking, squeezing through the herd of brainless bitches and wannabes, eyes slowly traveled to me when I shuffled by. I was extremely uncomfortable, but I blotted them out, staring forward as I crossed over threw a tall gateway, overflowing with anything I could ever want.

If they went to my school then they'd know me, I was usually referred to as Freak in the hall or my favorite Hanyou Sex Toy, muffled only in quaint whispers that would barely grasp my ears. I had learned to let it roll off like water, but it somehow still seeped into my heart.

Inuyasha's tainted fame had rubbed off on me someway, making everything else repel me with pleasure. They hated him, for who he was, they loathed the very image of him, all because of what he was.

Ever since the first day of school, when my mom forced him to go, the were intolerable to him, ripping his cap of his head, and pulling and biting his ears till the bled. I would have to hold him back, blood splattering over my face and clothes as he thrashed, his body fiercely shaking as they ran. Then I would have to sooth him, coo to him as I cleaned his battle wounds, desperately trying to calm his broken spirit. But... he would just sit there rigid, his eyes holding a stale numbness as he stared blankly as at a dull point. He wouldn't respond to anything, verbally loosing his stable voice.

Even though it was so long ago, people still saw him as a spawn on the devil, placing him in the chair for the reason of their problems. But somehow he always stood and took it, save a few broken noses and dislocated arms, he kept everything in check, bitterly biting it back. I knew it was eating him up alive though, the way he wouldn't look at me for days and swing past it as though it were nothing...

I soundly watched as he died a slow death.

Those heated glares were piercing my skin, igniting a flame of anger within me, but I had kept that blank look on, pretending their unnerving faces were but dolls. I just kept walking, wandering through isles of books and magazines. Finally, I fell into a padded comfy rest chair, complements from the pricey book store.

The world just... seemed to hate him, for what he was... and I didI did nothing to stop them, only watching in horror as they conflicted morbid crimes, then was left with the aftermath.

The world didn't have sympathy for a hanyou, I learned that long ago.

So then, I was easily ignored and hated also, but I was never touched, Inuyasha never let then come near me, growling furiously if they came in any close proximity with folded fists.

I used to rifle through all though's questions of his stake rattled possession of me, why he just as hell tried to shelter me from his world. I was young and naive then, seemingly believing the world was about pretty flowers and sunny warm carefree days... his agony and torture were oblivious to me.

Swinging my legs over the chair arm, I snuggled my head deep against its cushioned back.

He was always there, even when I was stamped institutionally insane, he was consoling my soul with his inner presence.

I... remember, that day, when they came to my house and told me I was crazy. Those kids, acting all nice, sneaking in beers as we drank senseless when Kikyo was out.

I remember, they turned their backs on me...

(Flashback)

"Kagome, all you have to do, is walk in, does that seem to hard? ... Kagome? Kagome! Kagome Are you listening!"

All I did was stare, the wind caressing my cheek as my white towel wafted in protest against the breeze. They lied, they totally lied to me, telling me it would be easily done.

I had been stupid, so fucking stupid, going out and partying on my own. They had found me, or should I say, I found them, all inviting saying they would be nice with fake smiles. Handing me a beer frothing with drugs, while laughing and dealing cards. I don't know what state of mind I was in to accept to play their game of Strip Poker, but I did. And of course since my lack of consciousness, I lost, down to the bare panties.

"Come on Kagome! It's allot better than losing your virginity, right? Come on, I'll even give back your clothes."

If I was the least bit sober, I would have kicked their asses to fucking hell, but all I could do then, was stare.

Goosebumps had tarnished my flesh, contenting me to shiver in mock horror. I was deeply and utterly lost. Here I stood, in front of the last thing in the world I'd ever want to be. Their voices were loud and slurred, competitively shoving me forward with granted force.

All I wanted, was to be left alone.

They swarmed out from behind me, ruggedly unlatching the lock bar with a clank, and pushing hard till the large aged rough wood door slid open, creaking and moaning with its old rankled cry.

The boy came up to me, huffing his lungs as he bent over in weak posture, his arm supporting him by clamping onto his knee to hold his upper body up. I didn't take much note of him though, my eyes transfixed on the gaping doorway in front of me. The musty air claimed me senses making me catch my breath slightly. But it wasn't as much of the stale smell that made me stop breathing, but what laid right in front of my eyes.

The well, that retched well. Where I left this world to join the next, falling caught in the net of everlasting purgatory... where I started my journey as the walking dead. It was like I died and was reborn in some universe of Pet Cemetery, exactly the same and yet somewhat morphed in a morbid complexing way.

I would die and rot in vengeful hatred, letting maggots feed off my poison flesh and innards. There was no reason for me to live, yet I could not die, and allall because of that horrible incident, because of that well, I would die alone in eternal despair.

And somehow, somehow they expected me to go in their, that small claustrophobic shack, that seemed to scream and wail my name whenever I came close to it? Were they fucking insane to hell, to take this as some kind of laughing matter they could joke about? To smile at bay while they whispered gossip of my "condition"?

Assholes.

And for the better of me, all I could do was stand numbly as the boy shook me and pushed me, my voice lost along with all my other drugged dosed functions. My fist though, was telling the tale of my anger, bitterly clenching and unclenching in fathomless rage, consuming even the uttermost in its slavery as half moon shaped slits reddened and poached through irritated skin, blood lightly stinging my senses and coating my palm and fingertips. I felt myself tremble with insecure resentment, quaking my perception and blurring my vision.

My gaze, as it was, had never changed from its post, glaring with the utmost emotion plundered in my stone cold heart. If I had been pyroknenetic, everything would have been charred ashes by then, a stark luster glimmer of what it had held purpose to.

To live or to die, it was all the same to me, claiming the ever knowing question of the propose of man, shelved in discrimination on tattered dust-clattered pages in some suppressed memory.

The plain disregarded soul would not question, but believe the very meaning of life is in some for of a book handed down by the supreme heavenly being, beholding everything so easily without a second thought.

I loathed them, who could go through life so unconstrained, baring nothing ill against the world but their uncontrollable weak problems.

And yet there I stood, the wind billowing a haunting tune that melted with the eary voice that clawed at me through the well's inner shadows. My face was receiving warm heated carbonized air and spittle shot from the boys mouth, making me mentally cringe from his dissatisfaction. His lips were moving, forming words and sentences that fell dead to my ears.

"Don't you understand? My mother was killed by one of them, brutally raped and murdered! And your fucking friends with them? Kagome I don't want to watch what happened to my mother fucking happen to you. This isn't your battle, you need to back off! Don't you understand? I'm trying to save you!"

I could feel my arms go numb from his harsh grasp, the pads of his hands with contact making my arms burn warmer.

"You know I don't want to do this any more than you do... Kagome! Why won't you fucking respond!"

His grasp loosened slightly, making my face inch minutely in his direction. his eyes were soft and calm, as though some soft being took over his ragged spirit.

"This isn't your battle, we are not against you... please, you are one of us."

My ears picked up his rough voice, making a small flame of anger ignite in me. My pupils began to smolder with kindled plagger.

"No."

My voice was small and weak, but it held its higher meaning in its quaky depts. Recognition smeared across his face, marring his features for a slight second before he stiffened.

"I can live with that."

They were the only words that were needed, spewing from his mouth in a unpleasant nature. In that split second, every fabric of my being told me to fucking run, but my bodily movements were frozen in stature, welding me to a stiff over exaggerated board like stance.

With one stiff movement, he wrenched my forward, causing me to stumble and catch my feet under me. placing both of his hands on my back, he thrust me forward, making me come face with the cement, my legs no longer holding me vertical. Scratches appeared on my knees and palms, imbedding sharp shocks of pain through my parts. My hand lost its hold on my towel, slipping from its grasp to catch me subconsciously. It drooped down, unveiling my modesty to the ground and anything bellow it.

Shaken, I pulled my arms close to me, falling over on my side, strangling the rough fabric close to me. Cold calloused hands latched onto my ankle pulling me from behind. Starkly, I grappled with my palms and digits, the feeling of fingernails on rough cement making me grit my teeth painfully.

I was scared so scared, tanking my refuge to the bare claw, I could never be able to face it again, my worst fears resenting myself right in the face. I knew it was fucked up, to be afraid of something so childish, but I was.

On pure instinct, my legs immediately twisted and tugged, my mind finding no other way out of the matter. The boys grasp was shamed as my foot slid from his hand, freeing me momentarily, I quickly scrambling to a jittery stance. But even then, I knew..._ I knew_, it was right there behind me, gaping and electing me to its beckon. Its cold rancid breath smoldering against my skin, making every hair on my body stand on end.

The boy, he just seemed to smirk calmly in front of me as my eyes grew big in horror. My breath shortened in to slim puffs, my chest rising and falling in a sped pattern, as his hands came to my shoulders, quickly repelling to increase his force, then shoving his palms forward at me. The impact took my breath away, my body slowly plunging into darkness.

My ears were awakened then, my lungs grating torture as my scream panned out around me, heralding all heads to wince in pain. And as I fell backwards, only the blank darkness and wood ceiling accompanied my downfall.

The splintered floor boards were my only catch, the impact shoving out the breath in my lungs and making my shriek plunder to a faint wail. My whole body thrusting up, poaching surrendered air into my burning throat, as I tried with every being in me to scramble my escape. My towel, the only ounce of protection to cover me, was lost in my struggle, lain strewn in a heaped mess along the wood floor.

I thought I had a slim chance, but I was wrong.

The door slammed shut, canceling all my thoughts in my blind struggle as the muffled clang echoed through the rotting walls. I completely went rigid.

My whole body jumped forward, slamming against the broad wooden sliding door, pounding as hard as my body would purchase.

"Please! _Please!_ Fuck help me! HELP!"

I screamed so hard I thought my lungs would explode, burning all the way into my wind pipe. I could feel it, right behind me, beating starkly in a heavy rhythm. My fingernails sunk into the knotting wood, scratching and clawing while splinters imbedded into the sensitive skin buried under my nails.

Tears began to spill over my face.

"No, no, no! Please! NO! NO! NO!"

I kept repeating my scattered words, my mind frantic and pleading.

It drew closer, becoming louder and louder as it neared me.

I heard it, whispering from the depths, stirring from its long awaited reunion. The ground began to quake bellow me, the beat no longer tangible, but gravely escalating in my head.

Just as before.

I started to pound my head against the solid door, knocking a agonizing headache into my temple. I slammed my whole body against it, mounding up the pressure and scatter within me, blood slowly beginning to seep from my forehead.

A furtive cry shattered through my chest, daggering the small room around me, making me throttle myself even harder against wood till my shoulder bled and splinters plaggered my beaten skin.

I didn't care, I couldn't care. All I knew was I couldn't die like that.

My voice cracked and crumbled, braking as I let out a slandered cry, tears swirling with my scarlet blood, sticking to my burning skin as I battered my crippled body.

"Ple-e-ea-se!"

Voices penetrated through the walls, angering and spewing over a matter I could not care about.

With the last strength I had, I struck my back hard against the door, A shriek emitting from my sour mouth, making my body rattle and my head to glaze over.

I was sweltering with anger and frustration, but it was all cased over with a glassy case of... fear.

Fear, as I felt a powerful grip encase my craning throat, soaring my cry soundly to a whisper.

"Please, stop..."

Sobbing with my last drawn strand of energy, I fell emotionless on the floor, my eyes bulging into oval spacers, my breathe cut off...

(Blackout)

A bang sounded against the door, risky nudges and pulls brinked as I heard the lock bar clang to the ground. Breathlessly, the door swung open, reveling a statue us person I could see nor here in my shell-shocked state.

My body was entirely numb, thrumming a beat that coursed a throb deep in my veins and arteries, pounding in me as though a ball being constantly thrown at my head in a heavy rhythm. It had slowed, earlier cranking up till I was screaming and thrashing against the walls, biting my tongue till blood was dribbling down my mouth to my chin, and coloring my white teeth to pink.

Moonlight poured across my features, caressing my skin with its silver glow.

"Kagome?"

The voice was low and male, grazing my mind as velvety smooth chocolate. My breathing was shallow and suffocating, puffing my body in short breathes, choking me till my stomach rumbled with discontent.

"Kags?"

Slowly the black silhouetted figure neared me, igniting a sense of fear within me. The gloomy light caught its form, glinting against sharp claws and knarled fangs, shadowing glowing crimson eyes in a pareless void.

"Kagome?"

Footsteps echoed on the groaning wood floor against his weight, and making the wall behind me tremor slightly, it only escalated my growing terror. The figure came to occupy the space in front of me, coming down into a low crouch.

"Kagome? Are you alright? Oh fuck..."

A clawed arm extended towards me, calmly touching my turned cheek.

My whole body jumped in surprise, a scream penetrating my throat as I tried to crawl away.

"Get the hell away from me!"

Its shape was morphing and swirling, as though a water color painting, taking its form. His voice came out sad and spilling over with remorse.

"No, no, Kags! Kags, it's me... _It's me_."

My mind started to unblur, making a breakthrough as though resurfacing in murky waters. Sluggishly, the deep red seething eyes, dulled to sweet honey amber ones. His sharp talons morphing down to his humble claws, that he tried so hard to dull and cover, and his canine knarled sharp fangs, filed down to his sweet puppy molars. White triangle ears popped out of his mane, twitching slightly in alert.

Finally, the sun showed through my foggy mind, recognition spreading across my eyes.

"InuInuyayasha..."

My voice broke horribly as tears I long since spilled toppled over again.

All he did was pull me into a soulful hug, making sure to not put any more pressure on my post beaten body. I desperately tried to return the embrace, my head snuggly into the supple crook of his neck, wrinkling my eyes as I took a deep exaggerated breath, smelling the masculine musk smell of Inuyasha.

My lungs to sudden stop as my orbs flickered wide, shoving him away with my hand and hunching over in pain as I hacked my guts out.

Literally.

My hand that had covered my mouth modestly, began to fleck with splattered copper droplets. My throat ached and burned in sharp pain, grating my dry unlubricated air pipe till I felt I could no longer breathe.

Blood globed on my nimble fingers, sending the last bit of dignity bared with in me to clamber to the floor and shatter to pieces in disgust.

My face became pale with lack of oxygen as disgust fluttered in my uneasy stomach, granting everything I had swallowed in the last few hours to come and greet my mouth with its vile taste. With my arms taught and stiff, holding me briskly from bawling to the floor, I purged, coating the floor with a nasty digested paste.

I hated puking, so horrible as though to me as equivalent of the end of the world. My eyes began to water in misery and my nostrils flared, sobs scrunching face as I tried to yield.

My arms began to quiver, after a while, my features contorting in pain though my heaves subsided. I felt so hallow and cold, my bare skin shriveling into gooseflesh as I closed my eyes and steadied my breathes.

a warm callous hand began to smooth my clammy skin, rubbing soft circles on my back. My mind began to wind its cobweb coddled wheels, as I realized he was behind me, slowly scooting forward and snaking his arms around my crippled form. His hand calmly tantalized across my stomach, making my tension somewhat seize. His chin sunk low to perch on my shoulder.

"Shhh... Kags everything is going to be alright."

His words cooed to my soul, making me close my eyes and take deep long breathes.

"Get me the fuck out of here."

My words were gritted through my teeth, wavering with tremendous restraint. his warmth was torn away from me, hearing him creak to a stance. He laid his jacket on my shoulders, patiently helping me put upper limbs through the fabric arms.

Leaning down, he began to lift me close to him, but stopping immediately when my hand was pushed against his chest.

"No, I can walk."

I would only go down fighting, I was always to stubborn for my own good, even when it was slammed in my face, I would just cock my head and smile.

And that's what I exactly did, holding my last shred of dignity as Inuyasha held onto my waist and my legs shakily crawling forward. It was like learning to walk for the first time as a infant, timid and unbalanced, trying with aggression to make it a foot further.

Stumbling through the doorframe was like having a heavy rock lifted off me, my pains became dull and all my tension seemed to melt slightly. The droning beat that screamed into my head just vanished, and I felt a weak smile scatter across my face.

Inuyasha led me to the God Tree, the racing back to the well house to seal its entrance. I leaned up against the trunk, taking in deep soulful breathes as I craned my neck till it rested against its rough bark.

The stars in the sky glimmered against the dark ominous background, lacing with the soft outlines of tree limbs, climbing and striving up as if to reach some higher being.

It innocently blew my breathe away.

My juvenile captors were gone, long since left to let me starve and rot in the agony of fear. They took my worst nightmare and seemed to think of it as some easy blackmail, some witty thing they could laugh their asses of while listening to my screeching shrieks. And even though I screamed in horror to stop, they seemed to think my voice was unhearable.

I didn't even know my fists were clenched till I felt a rough hands uncurl them, smoothing his thumbs over my deep half-moon cuts. His left palm soothingly ran up my arm, rumpling the coat up till the sleeves were hitched high on my forearms. Lightly, he stopped and touched my more vulgar gashes. Gently, scooted the coat off my shoulder, sliding till the fabric was tightly strained over the tops of my breasts. His fingers quivered as they traced my severely torn and punctured right shoulder, my respiration catching idly in my throat.

His reaction was to pull away in momentous speed, muttering a raspy "Sorry", as he began caressed my chin, lifting my head to see my face. My watered eyes met his, making his orbs sparkle in a sharper worry. Cupping my face, the pad off his thumb stroked the knarled gashes across my cheek.

"Oh Kag..."

My head ducked in ashame, tears pricking at the corner of my eyes.

His arms sluggishly enveloped me, careful of my wounded body. His head bent down to my aggravated shoulder, giving it a feather light kiss.

"There, does it feel better?"

I only snorted at his feeble attempt to lighten the mood, my arms snaking around his neck till he was so close to me. He leaned down and snuggled his head deep into the crook of my neck, his humid breathe tickling my throat and mingling with my hair.

It was a sweet embrace, making you feel warm to your head down to your toe, so calming and reassuring, that you wished it would never fade.

And that's exactly when everything falls apart, you can't live with good without unjusting the evil, anyone in the right sense of mind would bare that common sense. I was stupid and shielded, and for one moment, I thought everything was going to somehow turn into a happy ending, when the light finally shines into a tunnel concreted with unfathomable disgust and betrayal, when you feel the weight of many lost tears seem to heal that infected wound that plundered itself a crater your heart. When you felt everything was going to be alright.

But in the end, I was wrong, so wrong, it was only fake. Like a doll you direly believed talked, breathed and laughed, and the second it entered your hand after so many years, you realized it was only a plastic unpoportional figure That all you childhood memories seemed to become some kind of distant reality, where your naive mind could withstand any corner even lonely remorse when drowning in a sea of it.

The plain platonic world endorsed a sort of blank source of knowledge, making everything we so painfully assault our lives to become, seem to be a lame joke in the eyes of our imaginary god.

And yet, in it all, the echo of balled of angry sirens struck my mind with a bitter coat of consciousness. I caught myself in a tasteless muddle of mental whiplash, quaking its heavy notches to begin to turn my senses awake and becoming alert.

Inuyasha's ears perked up, the moment famishing in a thin sheet of darkness as his head bobbed up to tower above me and his body went stiff.

The sound grew in momentum, traveling through the valley of streets bellow.

"Damn..."

his voice penetrated the thick fog of my mind making my gaze that had been searching the limits of the shrine to latch unto his growling face.

Worry struck me.

"Theythey didn't call the police, did they?"

His face scrunched up in a immediate scowl, my question calling to a blank hopelessness.

Though he had pulled somewhat away his arms were still nailed to my waist, making no haste to let go.

when it seemed the obnoxious noise had reach its highest, everything became bathed in silence. Slamming doors and poundings steps rose through awkward break, igniting a chorus of yells.

Fear struck a painful chord, causing body to react by tremoring exaggeratedly. Inuyasha never left his gaze from the shrine stair, but responded by my display with dropping his scowl and pulling me close while calmingly dragging his claws through my long silky tresses.

though plastered to his chest, I still had a view of them appearing, slowly rising above the elevated ground. My breathe became raged, my head turning from the scene in front of me to snuggle deeper. My hands began to loosely fist his red cotton shirt, little whimpers escaping my thought as he clutched me tighter.

I heard as their footsteps echoed across the flat pavement level, their loud throaty yells and shouts falling to blankets of incomprehension.

A deep warning growl erupted from Inuyasha's throat, vibrating softly against me.

"Inuyasha?"

My voice came out scared and shrilled, afraid of something I couldn't understand.

"You, you get off her you beast!"

Loud pounding tanked him, making him curl over and around me, his body enveloping me from harm. He would recoil with each blow, making me wince in disgust and tears to bubble to my eyes.

Unknown hands latched onto me, pulling me with all their masculine strength to prod me from his hold.

I was not strong enough, my weak state making my arms jelly and legs flubber. My hands though never let go, fingers clasping tightly to his wrinkled shirt. He kneeled over, his arms locking over my wrists.

"Let.. me... go!"

My words gaped out in frustration, losing pitifully to there rabid battle. Tears spilled down my raw face, stinging my skin in their trail, my feet becoming frantic and kicking at anything behind me. I lost my grip on his clothing, my arms sliding away till it was are fingers clutching each other.

They battered him with excruciating blows, his arm tugging and loosening at each impact. Then with one hard bam to the head, everything was let go.

My fingertips slid against his, my hand still erect and straight as I was pulled viciously backward.

His body clambered to the concrete, bouncing slightly at impact.

"**_NO_**!"

It was a bare whisper as they held me down on the shockingly cold ground.

"No!"

As they crawled onto me, holding my limbs when I tried futilely to free myself.

"No."

As one held a syringe, squirting the sedative out punctually, a grin escalating his face, then stabbing it into my arm.

"No"

As the illumination faded out, and I tried to keep my head up to see.

"_No..._"

As Inuyasha's crippled form was beaten and beaten again, arms and limbs limp as blood seeped from some serious unknown wound.

"_No..._?"

As my head fell back and slammed against the pavement, my eyes twisted back and my body succumbing to numbness.

(End Flashback)

"Miss. Miss?"

My head perked up, causing a painful whip in my neck. A woman employee was standing in front of me, tapping her foot impatiently and twisting her eyebrows down in a aggravated frown. Her name tag that seemed to perch on her left breast read the: Miku Watanabe.

My eyes stared at her in small slits as light threatened to burn hatefully into my retinas. My body ached to be stretched.

"Miss, I am sorry but I am going to have to ask you to leave."

I only blinked at her, my face feeling long and weary to smoother any expression.

"Do you want me to call the police!"

My response was to blink at her more. Her eye twitched menacingly as fire began to explode in her orbs.

That was how low class people were treated at high maintenance places, I usually staid till the police would come and plaster a smile on and tell then some cheesy ass story, they'd, most of the time, only leave me off with a warning.

What, were they going to arrest me for loitering in a place you're supposed to loiter?

My legs buckled under my weight as I stood up, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"I'll go..."

My voice was a faint as the wind, but the lady understood, contentedly walking away towards the costumer service desk with her fancy Gucci shoes clicking against the linoleum floors.

The crowds had immensely died down along the mall, purging me to swallow my discontentment long enough to make it to the overwhelming double doors of the exit. Slamming my side against the door, I made my venture out, slightly feeling the sting in my shoulder freshly burn through memories. A big knarled scar lay there, molting to a discolored web of purplish skin.

Whenever I had accidentally splade it to Inuyasha, he would get the worried look on his face, gently tracing it with his fingertips till he gave it a feather light kiss.

Even that night when... when we... we made that mistake, he took careful note of it.

... II missed him, excruciatingly, without him there it was like my hope and will to live vanquished, and I was just a hallow shell. It made life so hard to bare.

Striving in a manor of speaking, sucked.

It was as easy to say as it was easy to hear, and it made some of the pain go away. I guess that's just how we make it through life, pledging are selves to see everything through shielded eyes, making the smallest things an obsession to survive.

The long hours I was in there had long since taken their toll, the sky frisking in fragrant colors that penetrated their grey cloud walls.

It was twilight.

When the world vanquished to its darker depths, pronouncing its demons lurking in the shadows.

I stood there for a while, not knowing the difference from left or right, blotting any cause as I got sucked in my own little world.

I felt like I was turned right side upside down, its like I was sinking in this cerebrum of distrust and hate, burning and torturing the once innocent me.

Rotting was to only be expected.

"Kagome!"

My head whipped up, my hair bouncing around like some wild supernatural being, tendrils concealing my glaceric blue eyes.

I saw a blurry form making chaos as she ran in hurry towards me. Her hand was clasped tightly to another behind her, calling apologies in her wake of angry people.

It was Sango.

Fuck.

"Kagome! Kagome, please wait up!"

I couldn't face her, not after my episode back at that hell of a party. I knew she saw that look in my eye, that look I gave her many years ago...

A sob threatened too crumble my visique, I was to unstable to talk.

"Please Kagome...!"

Her words held a desperation in then, making her voice tangy with remorse.

With all my will, I wanted to walk away, but something within pushed me the other way. I wanted her to hold me and tell me everything was alright, I wanted for once to not have to hide behind my decomposing mask.

I needed her take my hand and firmly clasp it to reality.

Tears prickled down my cheeks, my hand extending as my fingers flexed in anticipation.

"Sango!"

My voice hoarsely broke, holding a shrill not of sorrow that made everyone around me squirm in discomfort.

My feet shuffled forward, making rough grating noises that withered bitterly in my ears. Her footsteps pounded louder and louder in momentum till she unclasped her lackey Miroku behind her and jumped me into a tightly clenched hug.

I cried miserably in her arms, not letting anything withstand till I was licked dry of tears.

We slowly wandered to a sidewalk bench, Sango settled my side, cradling me against her breast while Miroku crouched before me, affectionately rubbed my clothed calves. It was calming, a simple posture that we had resented to before...

But, something was missing... he was missing, my left shoulder cold without him there, rubbing soft cooing circles on my back.

It only made me cry harder.

As my sobs sluggishly muffled to sniffles, Miroku left his original post to snuggle me on my other side.

I was content for a while, a while, till my worst fear was dropped like a bomb.

"Kagome, what happened?"

I choked on my tongue as my body went stiff, all my hopes falling to a masquerade of discontent. How could I say the words I wanted so badly to burn into flesh and unbind my seams to let me free? How could I spew my heart and soul in a palent beat to wither and writhe against the rough concrete pavement?

How could I lie?

I couldn't...

"Sango II... I'm sorry. I didI can'tI... I have to go."

I carefully detangled myself from them, Sango being the most stubborn and gripping my hand tightly. her face was scattered with unlawful worry, her eyes glossening with unshed tears.

"Kagome, you can't keep doing this... you can't keep running away..."

My head ducked down in shame, my feet becoming more amusing then the matter at hand.

"Yes I know. But in a world so stale and transparent, running from my tears and demons is only a withstanding call for survival. Paying destiny its dues is a death within itself..."

My voice was calm and tranquil, smoothing down even my splitting senses. Sangos grip went slack as I tugged my wrist away, her arm falling to her side limp before Miroku took her hand his rough palms.

Sango's eyes never left mine, our hollow gazes locked together in a long awkward silence.

"II'm sorry."

I repeated myself stuttering, my orbs pulling away from hers as my feet moved mobile forward without my consent.

I heard as a muffled sob cried out behind me, the building windows reflecting her with her head collapsed in Miroku's lap, her hands cradling her face as he softly rubbed her back and soothed down her hair.

She just... seemed so broken... I had never seem Sango cry...

I felt the undying need to cajole her, but my feet swiftly carried me across the lone sidewalk, my second thoughts thrown out the window as her voice faded into the background of roaring cars and bustling traffic.

Guilt ate away at my insides.

I always was a horrible friend, easily pushing them away when the going got rough. I never understood why they stood by me for so long, maybe it was my way of making a mockery of the most tense moments, or it was their hunger, their hunger for someone uniquely the same in pain and agony, like lost souls somehow seeking the warmth of knowing they weren't alone.

Because in the end, we were only confused and condemned, searching for something that was not in this everlasting dream.

But, she knew... she knew I was slowly killing myself inside.

A few blocks away I fell apart, my anger and frustration spilling out in a hot batch of warm scolding tears. I had slammed my back against the blank solid wall of some building I found refuge with.

I could only hold myself long enough till I felt all bonds of any communication break and slander me off in a wake of destruction.

I felt so raw and used, emotionally baked and broiled to a burnt crisp.

My head tilted upward hopelessly, silent tears calmly rolling down my throat and tickling my skin till I swiped them away.

It was all I could try to do to keep my composure intact, but my heart shattered in graze pieces, pitying me to swallow all thought of 'alright' and fall to a oblivion of discontent.

Sluggishly, my back dragged down along the steal bedding the gazed myself erect, slipping loosely to the ground in a heap of despair. My eyes became dull and weak, a numbness washing over my features.

"are... are you alright?"

The voice was fleetingly small, so soft and quiet it took my mind a few moments to process someone was addressing me. My head turned painfully slow to the projection of the voice, my eyes latching with a petite woman leaning down slightly in reverence. Her big flashy eyes overflowed with concern, a weary motherly expression lain across her face.

"Yes, I'm fine."

My words came out in a monotonous drawl, sounding more emotionless than I would have liked. Her brow was still twisted in worry as she nodded and left, her steps echoing through corridors of my mind.

I sat there, fuck knows how long, till the purple and pink sky colored a blanket of midnight blue. Lamplights flickered stiffly in the crisp evening night, long ago blinking to wakefulness and illuminating my diminishing sight. Crowds scattered across the sidewalks, critiquing the earlier conservative to the night folk. Bright flashes of high fashion and provocative clothing caught my eyes like a fly to florescent light, calls of hoots and laughter jeering through the loathful cold night of fall.

A shiver escalated my nerves, claiming me to hug my coat tighter for warmth. my nose was numb with cold and my body seemed to ball in anguish.

Kikyo would be home, along with Souta, and it seemed I would follow through the pits of hell till I would face them.

But I had to go back, I had no where else to go, the hole I had dug myself to deep to climb out of.

Innocently, me legs weighted me to a somewhat slouched stance, my right palm flat against the cool metal so that to catch my balance. My trudge was slow and eased, making no haste in my walk home.

Clouds scuttled across the sky, tinting a earthy tone of brown that drastically contrasted against dimly speckled black sky. Stars urgently purged light among planets and nebulas, distantly shadowed by light pollution that smogged up the atmosphere.

Strip bars and clubs cluttered with people, hot raged rave music pulsing the ground under my feet, the smell of sweat and smoke making the air humid and warm as I passed drunk maniac crowds. Middle age men would seep out from alleyways and piss corners, taking no shame and hitting on sluttish teens that seemed to be wearing an invisible sign that pleaded 'rape'.

It was enough for one to get direly nauseous.

And the worst thing was, I was one of them, spending the night clubbing and trashing parties, drinking till I'd pass out. Consuming drugs till the very essence of worry was washed away in a splendor of blank numbness.

I was part of them, part of that..

That was the only veil that hid me from reality, my only escape...

escape from the world.

From our fights, from the wounds that seemed to bare deeper than life itself, from the pain of him severing away from me.

From him.

The common world of the night life had seemed to be my only refuge.

And yet... everything around me brought back decaying memories, the smell the taste the atmosphere, scamming me to pounce upon things I tried so hard to suppress. Such thoughts that took years to per chase.

... And then it happened, my mind automatically cutting off and as images to pulse behind my eyes. My legs buckled, my head craning upward as my limbs gave out, but I saw nothing, felt nothing, for one moment it was as though I didn't exist.

Pain exploded in my head, cold concrete slamming against my limp body as my senses dulled...

(Flashback)

"Fuck you Kagome, fuck you! What the hell did you think? Know you didn't! You messed up, you fucking messed up! I'm sorry you have something ticked up there, but you will neverNEVER do that again!"

A rough worn hand shot out across my face, a gasp flowing through my lungs as my body was pushed back against the rim of his tattered and scoffed bed. My back made a hideous snap as it whip lashed against the sharp steal frame. My hand tenderly touched my bruised cheek, tears of fear overflowing in my eyes.

His orbs glowed a devilish crimson, light purple slashes grazing his cheeks hidden partially by cascading silver tresses. His ears were plastered to his head in aggravation, teeth bared hideously in a snarl.

His posture triggered a weakness deep inside me, my hands flying in front of my face as my legs were pulled close to me.

I squeezed my eyes shut in desperation.

"Please don't hurt me!"

(End Flashback)

Sharp gasps for air barred my throat, my eyes bulging wide as my arms sprawled behind me to thrust my back up. My raged gulps of breathe alone echoed mildly, the hustle and bustle off crowds seeming to vanish completely as though I was pulled into a alternate universe that was cold and desolate.

It made me feel cornered and swallowed in the spotlight, a paranoid sense of being clinging to my mind. My head bobbed up and down in short puffed breathes as my head jerked left and right. I shut my eyes mutely, trying desperately to pull myself together long enough to move.

My fingers began to curl in my palm, pulling strangely at the nagging feeling of unconsciousness. My mind began to unblur sluggishly, pain spurting into my head reminding me a wound was there.

With my teeth clattering against the cold, I steered myself up, rocking slightly back and forth on my heels to balance.

I could feel the voices screaming in my head as thought they were spoken moments ago, my cheek sensitively prickling as the cool breeze eased.

It was as though I was caged in that one moment, shackled to a torture I nor he would never relinquish or forgive.

And through all my deep contemplation, the foggy fields that redeemed my mind, I processed the sound of footsteps falter along ground.

Voices were not laughing, cars were not honking, it was deafly silent, the only noise plunging forward in hotty strides. My breathe was caught in my throat, to afraid to look I closed my eyes harshly.

It was as though my own graze was settled in destine, for the second my eyes fluttered open, I saw...

I saw...

Him.

The only person that hell itself couldn't polish away the pain. Him who had ripped apart my very being, and devoured it right before my eyes. He who had, in his very hand, my fragile heart.

And yet... He was there very one who sacrificed everything for me, he was the one who stood by me no matter what consequence, he ignited my sense of living...

And extinguished them.

It was far to early, to early to see him, the wounds still fresh and bleeding, coursing a pounding sense of dull pain that would never leave when seeing his face. I could never describe the anguish that imbedded itself fathom fully in my soul.

It was as though the continuum of time sealed over, the reply of his shoes smacking pavement piercing the void that surrounded us.

his silvery powder hair wisped around him, making his already demon features look godly. Melting honeycomb eyes locked with mine, motion slowing till the seconds that countered lasted forever. My soul was throttled into his orbs, his flickering mask whisked apart to splay deep pain and sorrow.

I tried so hard to not be played into his spell, I tried so hard to burry the ache under folds of sub consciousness, but if anyone said they could, they lied.

I stumbled forward, my legs dragging on a path I much less knew or cared, I was far to lost in his agony to notice my action.

Softly, are shoulders swept against each other, our eyes losing contact as my head faced stiffly front.

Before I knew it, a tear tumbled down my cheek, my breathe shortening as my tongue poured out what beat hoarsely into my very existence, the question that plagued me for all my wrong.

"Why?"

**So, guess what, I'm not dead. What a shame, and I was really hoping for it. Well I had fun, to anyone who cared.**

**Sorry my last chapter was so fucked up, my friend Nat posted it without my consent and I had yet to read through it. I hope you like this next installment, I tried my best to do allot of descriptive writing.**

**I'm sorry it took so long, I was freaking out and whatever.**

**If you want me to keep going, review, I'm really starting to loose the energy to keep righting this because it seems like its going know where.**

**Oh, and tell me what you want me to do with this story, I'd love to here your input. **

**Here's my responses to your lovely reviews (I thank you): **

Midnight-shadow-385: _Thank you so much for helping me with this, I wuv u!_

xxXDarkSlayerXxx: _No your kinda warm, but I'm still trying to figure out the plot of the story. Tell me what you would like to happen and I'll see if its worthy... hint hint :)_

inu luver: Hey thanks so much, I'm glad you like

kikyo22: hey thanks.

obliviandragon: Yeah, sorry about that, its kinda hard dometimes for me to get the right words out.

moongoddess07: _Of course its a Inu/Kag pairing, I even made sure to put it in the summary. I'm sorry, though, it might not have a happy ending._

Colly: _Sorry I can't make the promise of it ending happy, its not really in my line of work. I'm glad I got you hooked!_

Colly: _Haha, I love angst to._

Silent Bloody Tears: I'm glad you like it, I tried really hard to put everything I would want into a story in this one. I'm really starting to loose my muse so I'm sorry if I don't update as regularly.


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